August update

Here it is as promised!
This last month I hit the official year mark.  It was last July that I started taking baby steps to getting my health back on track for good, and a year after many slip ups, false starts and stupid injuries I am very proud of the 35lbs that I lost.  I would be lying if I told you I was happy with that number over a 12 month time span, but I wish it was ten or so lbs more.  But it is just a pleasant reminder that I still have lots of work to do! I'm not where I want to be yet but I am on my way, and that is the important thing! I f I lose another 35 over the course of the next 12 month then I will be pretty pleased with myself!
Remember that time I injured myself and stopped working out for like 3 months and gained like 8 lbs back? Well after a serious battle I am happy to report that those 8 lbs are gone, over the course of the last 2 months doing the bikini body mommy challenge.  I'm telling you, it costs me nothing, NOTHING to do this workout, she offers it free and it is effective! Most of the work outs are very brief, I'm talking 10-20 mins and every other day is a cardio day that can be either 45 mins (it doesn't all have to be at once either!) or 20 mins of HIIT ( high intensity interval training). You can do it! It works you hard but it's so worth the few minuets, very much!
But, I will confess that since starting work, these past 3 weeks have been wishy-washy with  my workouts, this last week, I only did *gulp* 2 of 6 workouts.  And last week wasn't much better, but I knew that the adjustment to going from full time mommy to full time working mommy was going to take its toll on my body and I am just trying to re-group and get back on the dang horse again! I am still being pretty diligent (as I am making brownies right now *for bible study, ok?*) about what I eat and allow myself one free day a week, which usually consists of a free meal and a special treat, not going nuts all dang day.
How is work you ask? Pretty dang good.  It is so much more laid back than a hospital setting, I may never go back to that! I get lots of praise from my managers and from patients, something I rarely got anywhere else and I feel really good about the work I am doing.  The kids have adjusted really well, actually,  I am the one who has a hard time leaving them behind with out getting emotional, most days I drive away from E's school a bit misty eyed, but my work is rewarding and the time away from the boys is what I really needed.  I got my first paycheck Friday and spoiled myself a wee bit. It feels nice to be making a financial contribution to the family again. 
Ethan is doing really well in school and the school psych says he is functioning better than some of the "normal" kids in his class and we have therefore decided to not seek out special ed classes fo rhim at this time, the only thing we are dealing with is the subject matter that they are currently learning is a bit remedial for E and we are investigating bumping him up to first grade.  We have parent teacher conferences next week and will go from there.
But, back to fitness. I signed up for the Tinkerbell 10k (6 miles) in January and need to start training again for that. The goal is to PR my mile time to 10 mins per mile and finish in about an hour, this would be setting me up for the half that will be run next year as well.  I keep saying I want to do one and I chicken out! So committing to a 10k is a baby step in the right direction.  There's a 5k out here in Hesperia in a couple weeks that is free that I am most likely going to do, again, I'll be trying to PR my 5k time each race I run.  But to do that that would mean I need to get off my ass and start running again! So my soft goal for the month of September is to lose 5-7 more lbs, putting me at around 190 lbs.  Just close enough to goal #2 of 176 (pre baby weight) so again, wish me luck!!!

30 day bikini body results and more

Adjusting to my new schedule of working full time has been easy so far.  I ended up feeling exhausted a few days, it kind of snuck up on me Thursday and I passed out on the couch watching bubble guppies with Lu, but week 1 of the new family lifestyle was pretty good. It has also officially been (past) 30 days on the bikini body mommy 90 day challenge and let me tell you, it is the hardest, easy workout plan I've ever done! I'm  logging a (most weeks) 6 days a week workout plan and have seen some decent results the first 30 days.  I've officially lost 5 lbs and 4" off my stomach and thighs! My two worst trouble zones! Woo hoo! And while I have done the whole day 1 vs day 30 photo thing, I still am not happy with the way my body looks showing that much skin, so perhaps those photos will be strictly before and after. 

I've been having some slow progress since I am struggling to get back into healthy eating habits post injury and it is taking a lot longer to figure my shit out this time around!  I had a couple weeks where I was stress eating like crazy, and emotional eating teamed up with PMS just is an ugly, ugly thing.  Knowing that I am still struggling with emotional eating a year after starting this process really sucks and I am not sure why I can't quite break the bad habit.  I really need to start doing some digging, of the emotional sort and get past it so I can kick my weight gain's ass! I have lost all but 3 of the 8 lbs I gained back from my stupid injury and while I personally feel like it should be better than 5 lbs and 4" I know that I should be glad for whatever results I get, because sometimes, I really haven't worked hard enough to deserve them!

I think what is hardest for me is knowing how hard I worked to get out of the 200 lbs mark only to screw up and put myself right back up there, and now I've been stuck at 201, 202 the last couple weeks, fighting to break the 200 mark again.  A place I said I never wanted to see again.  But stuff like this is going to happen, as my own dieting history has shown, and I am going to have to fight really hard to get to where I want to be.  I have to taste that desire again, I have to learn that you can't out-train an bad diet, and eat to live not live to eat, etc..... My diet is the one thing I haven't been able to beat.  I can work out a mean streak, but that means nothing if I down half a freaking pizza in one sitting.  Usually when my eating turns to crap I can remedy this by doing the handy 3-day military diet, but I have not even been motivated enough to do that.  Ugh, I guess I've just hit a rough patch. 

My official update will be on the 4th, just like every other month and I'm hoping I can take those last 3 lbs off, maybe a couple more??  Wish me luck, I still really need it!!!

Sprinkler Sprint 5k

So we participated in an other awesome 5k this past weekend in Las Vegas, this time it was a family affair

I saw a friend advertise this event on her facebook page, she participates in many of the runs out there in Vegas, and I figured it would be an awesome mini vacation for us all. Heck it is summer and what sounds more fun than running through the streets of Vegas being blasted by water at every turn?

It was the first edition of this run, so it was a bit of an experiment, and while it was well organized and pretty fun, it was certainly lacking.  There were 4 areas where you were blasted with water, the first was an icy tunnel that had a few fans and some misters, so we did not get very wet at all.

 

It was alright, just enough to cool you down a bit.  We had to go almost a mile before seeing or coming across another "event", a water truck going up and down S. Las Vegas Blvd.  It was pretty brief but we got a bit wet.  I was a little bored at this point and we engaged in our own water bottle fight. Lucas did not enjoy getting wet at all.

(Nice stink face, eh?) Next we came up on a trolley with 7 people on it with water guns.  Didn't get very wet there either, a bit disappointed.  We then spent almost the entire last 1.5 miles just running the streets of Vegas.  As we rounded the last street there was the water cannon station where we got the most wet, I was hoping the whole race would have been a bit more like that spot, there were lots of people at that part so you really got soaked. Again, all it did was piss Lu off even more. That lead you to the popsicle area which was pretty cool and to the finish of a slip and slide, which two of the four were broken.

Didn't stop my E and C from going down it! The end of race party had a water truck and misting station so we got plenty wet then.  My overall opinion on the race was that it was pretty fun, a bit boring as the stations were spread out too far, but I can see the potential for this to be epic in the years to come.  It went well for it's first try and we would do it again. Well, 3 of the 4 of us anyhow.

let's get physical

Ya, I just went there. But it's time to get cracking ladies and gents!

This officially concludes the first year of me working my butt off and losing over 30 lbs.  No more sad, frumpy, boring mommy moments for me.

So long!  I'm working towards getting back into my pre-children shape, and I've got about 20 lbs to go. 

I'm sitting around 178 in this photo, and I'd like to do even better than that and take off another 20 lbs making this years goal total 40 lbs to lose.  That would put me right around 160 ish, once I get there if I choose to keep going I will, if not I'll be going into maintenance mode.

Here are the things I have learned in the past year:
*This is a process, there is no quick fix.  You didn't get unhealthy overnight so don't expect to get back to healthy that way either! It takes WORK, diligent, hard work, not just a few minuets of cardio a few times a week either. 
*Daily workouts.  Right now, I am doing 3 days of HIIT (high intensity interval training) and 3 days of cardio for 45 mins. So aim for 5-6 days a week, anything less will not give you consistent results!
*Weight training is a must kids, muscle burns fat! Weight lifting is MORE important than cardio for weight loss! If you want to burn the fat off you need to build up the muscles under it!
*You cannot out-train a bad diet! Eat to live, don't live to eat, I still struggle almost daily with this one! I love food, too much and the love affair stops here and now!
*You are going to slip up from time to time, hell, I am still recovering from the damage I did while I was nursing an injury, instead of sticking to my diet, I turned back to food for comfort and gained weight that I worked super hard to take off! But the key here is to not give up, it's a bad day, not a bad life! Even if it is a bad couple of days, stop that crap and get your butt back in gear! Never, ever  beat yourself up for screwing up, that will lead you to failure!
*Find someone, anyone to help keep you accountable! This is a really hard change to make, it would be so much harder to do alone! Even if you feel uncomfortable reaching out, know that at least I am here going through this with you and I always have an eager ear to hear! USE ME! Or find someone who will tell you to "put that cookie down and give me 20!"
*Celebrate the little things as well as the big things! So you didn't lose any weight but you lost 3" off your stomach? That is some shit to be proud of right there! Progress is progress no matter how "small."
*The scale is not your friend! I used to weigh myself every day, and then my scale broke and it is a bit liberating.  Just work out and eat better to feel better, don't let the scale rule you! Weighing yourself multiple times a day is obsessive and unhealthy and it won't help you achieve your goals! Go do some squats instead if you feel tempted, the burn you'll feel after is much better than any number on the scale!

*Remember your goals.  Keep the prize in sight when you don't feel motivated to work out or when you are tempted to eat like crap.  Does skipping a workout get you results? Does a cheeseburger? Then ask your self if you can really afford to skip the workout or eat that cupcake!

*Lower your standards of personal "perfection." Would I love to look like this:

Um, yes please! Will I ever look like this? Not with out thousands of dollars of surgery.  You know what your body is capable of, make realistic goals, like fitting into pants 4 sizes smaller or feeling confidant in a bathing suit.  Not to look like someone who has a different body than yours.  Cuz no matter what you do , you can't fight the shape God gave you, but you can sure as heck enhance that bad mother and feel like a goddess in your own skin!

Now get busy!

 



Uh, sorry about that...

I know.

I have been relatively absent from all things health and fitness related. Guess I needed a hiatus? As you may recall, I had a blast enjoying my injury (not,) and working really hard at losing tons of progress! Yea! And also, as you may recall, I have not had a scale.  So imagine my surprise when I stepped back onto my parent's bathroom scale to find a whopping 6 pound weight gain.  YIKES! Talk about a reality check, guess you can't skip working out and start eating ice cream everyday and expect to keep a minimal weight gain.  So just to recap, I had injured myself in late April, and from May 4th to July 4th, only gained 2 lbs as a result.  From pure laziness and stupid stress eating, I gained an additional 6 in 3 weeks.  This is horrible. Like I was pretty depressed about that number for a few days, and rightly so!

But, instead of quitting, instead of shaming myself and falling back into old habits, I just dusted my ass off and hit the ground running, twice as hard! I still have a lot of work to do, as it has only been a week, and old habits y'all, they die HARD!! I have started a 90 day program from this hot momma here. These work outs are very, um, simple and easy? In all reality, they seriously kick your buns! And I need a good kick in the buns! I don't follow her eating plan verbatim, but changes are being made, little by little.  I am pretty stoked I made it through one week and didn't skip a beat at all! Can't wait to see how I look in 30, 60 and 90 days. Maybe I'll post all the pictures...if you're nice...

No day but today

Yesterday was a day filled with nothing but sadness and regret for me.  For many of us.  But it showed me something very important.  Something happened in that choir room many years ago.  A family was born.  An incredibly large, completely insane, and dysfunctional family.  And as a family we have grown, welcoming in the new, and we have lost, mourning together as one.  Clinging close to each other no matter how far apart we are, no matter how many words have been spoken between the years. 

I will not let another tragedy come and go with out telling you all just how much I love you.  Thank you so much for being my "family", for giving me a safe harbor during the tumultuous teen and early 20 years.  I rejoice with each and every one of you, with whom I am in contact, I cheer in your happiness, I cry in your sadness, I root for you, I pray for you.  You and I may not speak often, or really even at all, we may just dance around each other's lives, but I still care very deeply for you! You are my family.  Jason was my family. I was so proud of him.  And I never told him.

Life is just too short to not take this moment and say that you are still on my mind and in my heart, wherever you go, whoever you are now, I will always cherish you and the memories we made in that choir room, tour bus, hotel room, drama room.

There's only us, there's only this, forget regret, or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today.

A body at rest stays at rest

Holy cow! Had my first (second) run this week and boy did it kick my assets! My time is still pretty good, about 11:30 per mile, but it hurts like hell and I am walking way more than I'd like.  It is very true what they say about a body at rest.  My body fought me hard during this run today, it wanted me to quit, to walk instead of run.  It was hot, and tired, and wanted to go put yoga pants on and sit around watching tv.  My head, thank goodness, was having none of that! "Push, you can do it! You're almost done, just a little further!" Running is 75% mental! (for me anyhow) and I am thankful my head won that round!

It has been a rough road getting back into a normal workout routine, I am so used to this new "schedule" that it's been difficult to get out of this rut.  But I am just tired of feeling like crap, tired of being tired all the time, tired of being bitchy and mean! So run I must and run I will! I even bought myself some fancy running pants! And they rock! Didn't move, ride up, slip down, did not need to be adjusted at all! Thank you dearly Old Navy for your awesome Active line! If you need workout pants, I recommend the active line 100% ( I also live in the fold-over yoga pants, seriously comfy!) I wish I was getting paid to plug them...Ahem...Old Navy...???

The goal for now is to just ease back into working out, I'm obviously going to have to take it slow as I did in the beginning, because 2.5 months off had a huge impact on my body and I've lost a lot of ground.  It is discouraging to have lost so much progress (2 miles worth to be exact) but all I can do is battle it out harder.  Stay positive and stay focused, I have a goal in mind to reach before I get pregnant and I have goals that will still need to be met once pregnant.  I have to do the work now so it will benefit me later! Plus I'm feeling all kinds of awesome post-run over here, that should be motivation enough for me to keep going!

I win?

This is the story of how I won the argument for having another child.  You see, I myself was not even convinced that we should have anymore. In fact, I had just given up on the idea.  I was done. Well, I was trying to accept being done. 

Anyone who knows us knows that we have been dancing around with this idea of having another child.  Lucas is a very difficult, high energy little guy and my husband has a very limited amount of patience for the little ones, so in all reality, it would make sense for us to not to  have any other children.  Limited resources and our advancing age were also factors.  I kind of knew that this was not something that was very likely. 

But we do not have children for the first five years.  After that, having children becomes a bit easier.  They are a bit more independent, they require less one on one entertainment.  But even knowing that these "fun" toddler stages will soon pass, these were not the reasons we decided to have another child.

A few nights ago, I noticed that several of Ethan's book had teeth marks on them.  My first thought was that the baby was chewing on them.  Well, later that day I found E chewing on one of his favorite books.  Now that we are armed with the knowledge of knowing he has Autism, several memories from his infancy to now became crystal clear.  He has had it all along.  Everything that lead me to believe he was just a "good" baby was just the Autism.  As you can imagine, I was instantly floored with my own grief.  He was born this way and will be this way forever.  And one day, I will not be around to protect him.

He will eventually learn to navigate in our "world" and will be able to function and appear fairly normal, if not maybe a little odd.  But he will always have certain tendencies, and there will always be certain things that will be hard for him to deal with.  Something that his siblings will be able to help him with when mom and dad cannot.  The instant I had this thought I told my husband who, although he is hesitant, and a bit scared, agrees with me whole heartedly.  These trials that we are going through now will pass and someday Chris and I (God willing, a long distance in the future) will pass on too, leaving our close knit children together to forage on without us.  There is strength in numbers.  Three is good.  Three is strong.  And three there will be! (Unless the Big Guy has other plans, like twins...)


***No, I am not currently pregnant, nor are we trying at this time, I have a few things to work on first and then, maybe in about 3-6 months we will embark on this adventure again! Also make sure you like my blog facebook page to keep up to date with any Autism, weight loss, and/or baby news?****

Recommitment ceremony

I know, you may be wondering what happened to my May/June update.  It didn't happen.  I never weighed myself, what with the big move and not working out and eating like crap and all.  I did fall way off the wagon with this injury and even though I tried to get back in to things it just wasn't happening.  So my leg is still giving me trouble, but it's manageable so I have decided to stop sitting around on my ass eating chocolate and doing nothing, I have come too far to quit now! I am getting all squishy again and while I am not 100% sure, I think I've gained back around 5 lbs. Yikes! Not completely ruined, but yikes. 

It's hard, this process is hard, being injured is hard and scary.  But being overweight is worse, pain is temporary! I've decided to use this week as a slow recommitment to my goals, so far it hasn't born much fruit, but I am not going to throw the towel in just yet.  And this time around, I am not going to be jumping on the scale everyday.  It was creating a monster and I am glad that my little devil child broke it pre-move, because while I am curious, I am not going to dwell on the number anymore.  I will weigh myself at some point along the way but I have no intentions of buying a new scale anytime soon.  It feels so liberating! I still plan on measuring every month because that is always a much better indicator of real "fat" loss.  The numbers will fluctuate regardless, water weight, bowel movements, heavy workouts, all of those things will change your number.  I know how I want to feel and how I want to look and that is going to be my goal from now on.  I'll know when I get there!

So, to recommitting to the journey! I'll be starting off with 3, 2 mile runs for the next 2 weeks, mostly to familiarize myself with a new neighborhood, adding weight training in on my off running days, probably 2-3 times a week.  Getting back to a healthy style of eating, most likely not counting calories but increasing fruit and veggie consumption and getting away from processed foods.  I'll be trying to go as un-processed as I can for a while to re-set my body and to detox all the junk that's in there now! I'd like to touch base here on the blog every two weeks to help keep me accountable, and you know, so you guys can keep me from taking another "vacation?" Let me know how you are doing too! I know I'm not in this alone!

Trials and tribulations

This was not the post I had intended to write today. I was going to tell you my usual monthly update on the goings on of the diet ( or lack thereof this previous month...) but something else entirely is weighing heavily on my heart and mind as of late. 

I was pretty foolish to think that our sense of "happiness" would last very long, it never does.  There is always "something" on the horizon, that old "waiting for the hat, shoe or whatever to drop" feeling.  I knew that transition was a huge factor in my son's Autism.  I knew that being out of school was going to be difficult for him, and that moving was also going to be difficult for him.  Now, stupid us, we moved the week that E's school got out.  And he was fine for about three days.  And today? It feels like all of the progress we have made is gone.  There are daily temper-tantrums, accidents, increased "ticks",  and a near drowning (don't even ask!)  As a parent, as the only parent who is around this sweet boy all day, it is completely devastating. 

I remember even before I was anywhere near being married, I would pray that I would never have a kid that had any disabilities.  I knew that I would not be able to handle that.  (This was in my late teens, early twenties probably.) I knew that my patience was pretty thin, I knew I wanted to be a mom, more than anything, but I also had no idea how hard it was going to be.  I just knew that I had a certain image of what I wanted my perfect family to look like, and kids with disabilities were not in that picture.  I always thought that God granted those sweet souls to people who were stronger than me, people who could love and handle them.  God obviously thinks I am a badass. 

We never thought that anything was really wrong with E in the beginning.  Chris and I just wrote his little ticks off as him being a bit quirky.  Then his 3rd birthday rolled around the behaviors started to get progressively worse, after we had moved actually (just realized that one actually.)  Doing what most parents do in that situation, we tried to write it off, thinking that  nothing is wrong with him, he just is the way he is.  After all, he was our first child, and we didn't want to say we knew something was not right about him because we really had no clue if something was not right or not.  Maybe this is normal? We had nothing to base our theories on, no experience with any children other than our seemingly normal developing nephews, both who are very different from each other.  And that's all we thought, our son is just different from other kids, as all children develop differently, behave differently, speak differently.  Then he went to preschool.  And again, the behaviors worsened.

Lucky for us, as I have heard many a horror story about children being expelled from multiple preschools, we were blessed so very much with a teacher who was willing to see the potential in our child, to not cast him out, to not just wash her hands of a difficult child.  She worked with us in getting Ethan in a program to help him develop, she worked with him, learned his quirks, learned his tells and was able to meet his needs in every way.  She truly loved our child, and after having anxiety for weeks about whether or not I was going to get phone calls about his behavior, and an exit notice, I began to trust that he was going to be just fine there after I dropped him off.  We still had some bad days peppered here and there, and there were days where he didn't make it to school to save that long trip to go get him early, but he thrived.  And you better believe I bawled on the last day of school.  I am sure the other parents thought I was nuts, but they had no idea the battle we faced that year, and the Alli and friend I found in a preschool teacher.

But that had to come to an end, he can't stay in preschool forever! And here is where our current battle lies.  What does Eth's educational future hold? What about his home life? When and how will he adjust to all of these changes? I know there are hard days ahead, days of adjusting our lives to a new home and to a more lucrative schedule, figuring out where on the spectrum E falls (we find out tomorrow) and what will happen next school year.  But for now, I have to remember that the world seems very different to my sweet boy, that the way we perceive things is vastly different to how he does, and I have to accept that he will never have a normal life.  There will be periods of adjustment all the time, there will be things he will have to learn to cope with, things we take for granted all the time.  And I have to remember that this is not my fault, there was nothing that I could do to prevent it or stop it from happening to him.  I never, ever asked for this, but it was given to me anyhow, and we will get by, by the grace of God, we will!

When you fall off the horse, get your butt back on!

Injuries suck! This one has been the worst so far.  Even the pulled hamstring that ended my dancing days didn't throw me off like this.  I've been in a downward spiral for the last 4 weeks.  Not working out, out of fear, eating a bunch of crap out of depression from being injured, yo-yo ing back and forth 4 lbs, feeling tired, lethargic and moody.  None of it has been fun.  My worst month ever in this whole process.  I was trying really hard to hit the 40 lbs total lost mark this month.  Can I lose 5 lbs in one week? Maybe. Am I going to push myself that hard? No.

But when the horse bucks you off you have two choices, you can be done with riding altogether, or you can get back on the horse.  Today I got back on the horse.  I was still afraid. I played it safe, very safe.  Even before I started this process I was able to run at least a 16 min per mile pace.  This run was at 17 mins per mile. I lost 6 mins of time in just 4 weeks.  And that is fine, I'll get it back.  I also chose to run only 2 miles, playing it safe, making sure my leg could handle at the very least that much.  It held up, it was sore and each step was a painful reminder that I need to pace myself.  This 2 miles were pretty difficult, and I am probably going to have to keep doing 2 miles the rest of this week and gradually work my way back up.  But I refuse to let this injury stop me.  My progress this month may not be so great but I am right where I need to be.  Back in the saddle. Yee haw!

April progress report

I know, I am late and I 've been largely "quiet" over here at DOAFC! I've been busy! April was a crazy month for team West! I seriously have no idea how these other stay at home mom's find the dang time to blog almost daily! I can hardly find the time to do it monthly! Priorities I guess? I'd much rather spend time with my boys!  But I digress...

So the month of April was pretty challenging and I have some work to do to make up for it this month! We had several birthdays, Lu turned the big 1, and I had mine a few days later, which lead to an entire month of debaucherous eating! Yikes, I was so bad this month y'all! But I worked out like a mad man and lost 2 lbs and 5" all over, so luckily, I didn't gain! But I really wanted to hit the 40lbs lost mark this month and I only have 4 lbs to go to hit it, so here's to hoping we get there in May!!!

My workout schedule has changed again, I added another mile to my runs, making it 4 and on my first run I kept up with my 11 min per mile pace, and then I injured myself and have been sitting on the sidelines since then! And nothing sucks more than wanting to work out and not being able to! I have gone through injuries in the past and have come out better for it so I know that this too shall pass! But I've been running the entire time (with the exception of my 4 mile injured run) which was why I knew it was the right time to increase my distance.  I am also cross training on alternating days which has helped me improve on my time and endurance.  I do 40 mins of cardio, zumba or turbo jam, on those days.  I have also added strength training and have been focusing on my arms.  I have been doing this work out from Tracy Anderson:

Ya, I know, it doesn't look very effective right? Well, the full inch I lost off my arms begs to differ! This is a quick and (not so) easy way to fit in an arm workout that will give you results.  Did I mention that I only started it 3 weeks ago? By min 3, you'll be begging to put your arms down! Try not to! It took me 2 weeks to get to the point where I wouldn't put them down! By min 6 she gives you a sort of break....Try it! I challenge you!

I also started a plank challenge for the month of May.  Each day you hold plank pose for a specific amount of time, starting at 10 and ending this month at 85! Yikes! But I can't wait to see what the results of that will bring! I will also start doing different leg exercises that I will post here as I try them out.  But I do recommend the arm one! And who doesn't have 8 mins to give?

So, good luck this month! I'm giving a special DOAFC cheer to my mom-in-law who has recently gotten on the diet and exercise wagon! I am very proud of her for taking the steps she needs in order to get healthy and I look forward to seeing her progress and motivating her and you as well! Go get 'em tigers!!!

Wonderful "One"derland

This was me in July of 2012.  Right before I started all of this process.  I topped off at 232 lbs.  I have always been heavy-ish, but having children gave me and extra 57 lbs to carry around.  I felt gross, I hated the way I looked in anything that wasn't a freaking tent, I never wanted to do my hair or make-up.  I pretty much let myself fall into that "Well, I'm a mom" slump that we sometimes get caught up in.  I was deeply unhappy about my appearance, and despite my husband's constant reassurance that he thought I was beautiful, I didn't see how he could stand to look at me, or even want to sleep with me.  This right here? It was killing our sex life (that and having a newborn around.) Sure my baby was only 3-4 months old around this time, but I was this heavy before he was born.  I had actually easily lost all the weight I had gained with Lu's pregnancy.  Magical breastfeeding!! But I was still carrying around all the weight from E's pregnancy, where I had gained a total of 75 lbs. On a body that was already overweight, that was just not good, not good at all! I struggled for the years after E was born trying new things, trying to exercise, getting into a good start and then, falling completely off the wagon.  The closest I had ever gotten was 214.

I still have a long way to go, but I feel so much better about how I look now, at 198, I am closer to my goal that I have ever been in my life.  I feel prettier, have more confidence, I rarely go out looking like frumpy 200lbs me, I take care of myself more.  My sex life is WAY better, I am wearing high heels again! I feel like crap when I eat like crap and also when I don't work out.  So I don't eat like crap (very seldom) and I try to squeeze in at least 20 mins of some kind of work out as often as life allows it.  I still have a pretty steep hill to climb to reach 160, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am doing this.  AND, if I can do this, so can you! I am telling you right now, I am not perfect, I ate like crap all week this week between Easter and birthdays and candy and cake everywhere, and I also ended up with a shin injury that rendered me pretty useless.  I am the most lazy person out there when it comes to working out.  I have a huge love/hate relationship with it,  I love the way I feel and look, but I hate working out.  I also love sugar, can't go a single day with out something sweet, BUT I AM STILL DOING THIS! And so can you!

 

 

 

I know 34 lbs is not some crazy number, I know people have done more in much less time, but I am doing it the right way, no crazy diets, just eating less.  And no extreme work outs, mostly just 40 mins of cardio, 3-4 days a week.  But the slower the better, because you will keep it off if you do it the right way! If you learn how to eat better, how to gradually find exercise that you enjoy, you will start seeing results too.  It does take an iron will some days! And some days you are going to fail in the most epic way possible, but the good news about that is that tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start.  Don't be so hard on yourself, it is a learning process, most things in life take time, you don't learn to read overnight, you can't learn to speak French in one class! These things are worth waiting for, and so worth working for! Start small, set small goals, reward yourself with something awesome like new work out gear or one special meal or treat, a book, a massage anything to keep you motivated.  Look in the mirror and love who you are now, but let her (or him) go.  Say goodbye and work your butt off to get to meet that new you! And I am here for you! Please, use my successes and failures.  Ask me anything!!! I am here for you!

 

Good luck, go get started!!

Five

You are sitting next to me noisily munching away on some apples, and I should be using this "quiet" time to hunt for a job, but you! So darling, sweet, funny.  And smart, too smart. I can't help it, I'm so very much in love right now!

In just a few short days you will hit the big 5.  I can't believe as I sit here and look at your handsome little, chocolate peanut buttered face that the time has flown by so quickly.  The tiny strings that tie you to me are starting to unravel as you grow.  You need me less and less for some things and more and more for others.

It's been a rough year for us. A year with lots of changes, you now have a sibling who occupies lots of my time, we are trying to navigate this "issue" with you and your behavior, and we are not where we need to be as a family, both physically and spiritually.  But you keep smiling, and laughing, and learning despite it all.  Your tenacity is so admirable! Its one of the things I love most about you.

Often I feel like you got a bum deal.  You were the first born to a certifiably crazy mother who struggled with a broken brain while trying to raise a "normal" kid.  I will be forever haunted with the fact that your shortcomings in life are my failures as a parent. Please know that everything I do , little man, is for you!  All of the good, the bad, and the ugly.  The day you came into my life, you saved my life.

You are my most special gift from God; my little angel if you will! I love you from the top of your fuzzy blond head to the tips of your long, gangly toes! You will be someone great someday.  You'll be a success at anything you do, I know it. But today, you are someone great to me and you can rest in the fact that I will always be your biggest fan, your loudest cheerleader, your toughest critic, and your biggest support.

Enjoy five big guy!

Love, mom

a not so healthy reality check

It's no surprise to me that at this month's weigh in that I had gained 2.2 lbs this month.  I knew it.  I didn't do the work, didn't eat right.  I feel crappy and tired because I've been on a bit of a bender these last few days.  And the scale showed it.  And in addition to the 2.2 lbs gained this month, my lack of activity caused a whopping 7.25" (all over total) to show back up.  That was my reality check this morning.  You see, I usually fluctuate a couple pounds here and there, 2 lbs is no big deal to me, I can take that off in 1 day.  The 7.25" however....that is completely from my lack of dedication.

It is very sobering to see these numbers, as this is the first month in over 6 months that I have not seen any progress.  Usually I will see either the scale or the total inches lost go down each month regardless of effort.  Both went up and it is time to get off of this shitty plateau I've been on. Too many months I have seen a gradual decrease in my monthly activity and a blatant disregard for what I am putting into my body and that stops today.

I am a big fan of the biggest loser, as a family we watch each week and I always try to keep track of the contestants, keep "pace" with them if you will. 
"So and so lost x amount of pounds this week so she is now lighter than I am so I have to work to keep up with her." Which never happens, but I identify with one contestant and they are my "inspiration," if you will, during the season.  So in honor of the biggest loser, and my favorite trainer of all time (Jillian) I am doing my own personal biggest loser month.  I have a lot of catching up to do as I am supposed to be  about 25lbs lighter already.

My goals this month are:
* lose 5lbs each week (a tall order for me!) for a grand total of 20 lbs this month
*run 3 miles, 3x's a week
*put in 2 hours of work outs 3x's a week
*stay fiercely within the 1200-1550 calories a day range
With this plan, 5 lbs a week should be an easily obtainable goal.  It is time for me to get really serious about this, yet again, and finish what I started.  Wish me luck because I know I'm going to need it! And I will be posting my successes and or failures each week this month as well, as nothing is more motivating then having folks keep you accountable!

**I promised pictures of the color run from this month too, I know, I will dedicate a post specifically to that soon, once I am done being pissed off!!**

January progress report

So this month wasn't a total loss.  Well, it was a loss because I did lose weight, but I wasn't very dedicated to hitting my goal.  I'll take the lazy 4lbs weight loss! My progress in the last six months includes a grand total of 23 lbs lost (30 all together, or 54 if you count baby weight, which I really haven't been. Until right now...) and 17.25 inches lost all over this hot (almost) bod.  I have a number in mind for where I'd like to be at the end of this month but due to my current superstitions about posting a goal out loud and not hitting it (see previous months!) I'll just let you know if I make it or not!

Also looking forward to my Valentine's gift:

My man knows what I like! So he is taking me on a very special date in Las Vegas. We are doing a 5k color run Valentine's weekend! Some girls like to get flowers, some, chocolate, others like getting jewelry.  Not this girl! I want someone throwing color in my face as I huff and puff my way through the streets of downtown Vegas! There's truly nothing on the planet I wanted more and I was so bummed because I thought we weren't going to be able to do it! I love that man! He gets me!

hoping we end up looking like this happy couple!

There will be a post following the happiest 5k on the planet.  Speaking of happy 5k's, the first one we ran was the Disneyland 5k back in 2009 and every year since then we have planned on running it again, it was so much fun.  BUT...This damn race has gained so much popularity that it has been sold out each year since the year we ran.  This year the race entry opened on January 22nd and was sold out in under ten days.  Boo!!!! Disneyland obviously needs to start adding a few more races to its annual agenda!

Until next time, stay healthy, friends!

PS; I implore you to check out the random comment on this blog! I count this as success! I am a big shot blogger when cookie monster comments on my page!

PPS:  Speaking of cookie monster, every time I try cutting out sugar, this is exactly how I feel:




Motiv----ah, whatever!

Last time I checked in I was struggling all through December, not working out, plagued by illness, and eating like crap pretty much all month, and I didn't manage to hit my goal of below 200 lbs. I did lose some weight, but not at all what I needed to lose and most of it sickness induced, so I entered the new year determined to hit my goal and be done with the terrible 2's for good. 


...Unfortunately, I missed the mark again.  My motivation left the building almost ALL month long,  leaving me close, but no cigar.  I have worked out a grand total of 10 days this month. Ten!! Most of them in the last two weeks as I struggle to get myself back on track. 

And I'm close, really dang close, so it pisses me off a bit.  I should be telling you all that I'm close to the 180's by now! But this struggle is my life.  And sometimes we get sidetracked by life.  Some days I'm feeling good, working out, eating great and feeling like this:


Only in a perfect world...

Aaaaaand then there are days when I'm shoveling fistfuls of cookies into my pie hole, while sitting on the couch watching "Glee", feeling a little bit more like this:


Yes, I did go there.

I'll keep on mentioning that this whole process is a journey.  It doesn't start one weekend and finish the next.  This is me changing my life. And life change doesn't happen overnight.  What I need is to stop telling all my lovely (two) readers out there about how I sometimes fail and that it's ok, and start looking into the mirror when saying that.  I need to hear it the most.  I'm not a contestant on the biggest loser, I don't have anyone telling what, when and how much to eat or what, when, and how hard to work out.  I have myself. I don't have a fancy gym membership.  I have some dvd's and my own two feet.  I'm doing this 100% solo, no buddy to cheer me on (sometimes my husband does) no one telling me that the days I don't want to work out are the days I need it the most.  No one telling me that cookies are bad (without moderation) and to stop eating like crap.  It is all on my own shoulders, so my progress and my failures are solely my responsibilities.  And that makes my victories SOOOOO much sweeter.  So maybe I'm not quite where I wanted to be at this point.  But I am on my way, and now I'm not stopping!

This is a marathon, not a sprint!