Friday, March 23, 2012

The end is nigh!

I guess I am officially at that point where each time I go out in public there's some  a-hole that has some inappropriate thing to say about me.
"You look like you're ready to pop!"
 About ready to pop you in the mouth is what I'm about to do!
"Oh it must be any day now for you!"
Actually, I've still got 2.5 weeks to go, are you saying I look fat?? Huh? Huh!!
and my favorite yesterday...
"Is it just one baby or two?"
Eeeeeeffffff you lady!
Here's the real clincher. It's only women (with the exception of one homeless man in a wheel chair asking me for money. Buddy, do I look like I can spare some change?) that keep making these comments.  Like, haven't you ever had children? Don't you remember how huge you, or your sister, or your aunt or whomever got? And how freaking miserable she was at the end? Can't you see that while, yes, I am huge, and sweating profusely, and out of breath and just horribly uncomfortable that I do NOT need to hear your "cute" little anecdotes, and I do NOT feel like playing 20 questions with a fetching stranger while standing in line at Target buying socks for my 4 year old and Tums for my shitty heartburn? What is with women? Dudes really just look at me like they need to be as far away form me as possible in case my water breaks or I suddenly clench my stomach in pain so they don't have to play the role of hero or something, and I love them for that! I do not feel like being bombarded just because of my "accessory". I know that when I see a "very" pregnant looking lady, my first instinct isn't to start up a conversation with her, it's a silent prayer that she be done with this torture ASAP! and then I move on with my life. If I wasn't pregnant people generally wouldn't turn around and try to start up a conversation with me in a random place, so why now? Is it because everyone loves babies? Or big 'ol fat pregnant ladies? It's just annoying! And I don't get it!

I do thank the Lord above that I am at the end of the road now.  And while it is becoming increasingly difficult to do pretty much anything right now, I just keep counting down the days until my fetus is on the outside of my body.  Fully knowing, mind you, that this will pose a whole new set of challenges and bodily discomforts, but for me it still signifies the beginning of the end of my body feeling like crap.

Here are some things I will miss about being pregnant: (and this is a first since I hated everything with E's pregnancy)
Feeling the little guy wiggle around in my tummy when he's hungry (which is often)
Having my husband dote on me constantly ("Hun, can I get you anything?" "Are you feeling ok?" "Yes, I'll bring you a decaf caramel frappachino on my way home.") I'll really miss that one...
The anticipation, it's like being a child counting down the days until Christmas!
Not having to scoop the cat box, or do pretty much any animal related chore.
Not looking like a freak because you are talking to yourself (I was talking to the baby, seriously...)
Pretty much eating a bunch of crap with little to no consequence (I am still > 40 lbs, woot, well for me anyhow...)

Here are some things I am soooo looking forward to after he comes however...
Sleeping (Insomnia sucks! I may not sleep any more but it will be quality over quantity!)
Sleeping on my stomach or back again!
Sleeping on my new mattress with out a huge fetus in my belly! (Even if it is in 30 minute periods)
No more heartburn!
No more swollen feet, ankles, hands and face! (Because no woman looks good with the pregnant face)
I can wear my real wedding rings again, not the fake $20 one we got before we got the real rings.
My shirts will cover my stomach again!
I'll be able to comfortably shave again
Sushi! And real coffee!
High heels!!

While most days I feel bitter and generally pissed off at the world, I am super looking forward to being done with the incubation part.  I am sure all of those around me would also agree! (Sorry, hopefully Captain Bitchy Pants will be going away in a few weeks too...) Only 18 days left until Luke's big arrival!!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


Last year I wrote this for you. And now I think I'll do it for you every year I can. Right now you are curled up next to me on my bed, sleeping away. I love those moments!

What a change a year can make! I was so sad to let go of my baby last year, but now I am excited for 4! I am so excited to see you learn and grow so much more! This year has been the hardest ever as your mom! You do not make life easy that's for sure! But you still make my life worth living, every. single. day. You have proven how dang smart you are, even though we held you back from pre-school this year, you've managed to defy us and learn every single thing you possibly can, from spelling, to writing, to math. And you have made dang sure that mom knows that you will do what you want, when you want to do it, (as potty training has been a constant battle of "don't tell me what to do.") I have learned that I can't control you no matter how hard I try,and that I have to let you be you on your terms, not mine, therefore, you are exactly like me, and as everyone knows, I am hard to deal with too! But I so admire that spirit and spunk in you, after I quit fuming over the power struggles we face, your tenacity is so applaudable! Good for you for knowing (at 3 for that matter) exactly what you want in life! Please, please, never lose that!

I can't wait to see just how much more you will learn and grow once you hit that big 4! Each day you stun me with something new, be it something you say or something you do, you are always full of surprises. Sometimes they are awesome, like you spelling m-o-m, the first word you learned how to read, write, and spell. To the time you were so mad at me you told me "I don't love you, Daddy doesn't love you, and Jesus doesn't love you!" because I put your butt in time-out.  Part of me wanted to cry, and part of me wanted to laugh, but ultimately you got spanked for having a smart mouth. I wasn't expecting to hear that until you were about 13 or so! Always a surprise with you kid! But you are never stingy with telling me how much you love me, or with giving me hugs, kisses, and cuddles. I wish that you'll never grow out of that, but I brace myself for the day it's no longer cool for you to do so. Please never forget to tell me, or anyone for that matter, just how much you love them and I promise to do the same. Remember our days are numbered and loving others is the best gift you can ever give to yourself! (and everyone likes being loved as well!)

I love how much your relationship with God has grown this year.  It's so awesome to hear my little boy say his prayers at night, and that you get excited to go to church on Sunday. I love how you can look at things and know that God created everything. Nothing could please me more than to see you grow in faith! It's going to be the most important thing in your life forever and I also hope you never forget that you have a "heavenly" father who loves you so much and will always be there for you in good times and bad. I hope that Dad and I can be good examples of faith too.  I hope you see all that we have been through in our lives and know that we never gave up our hope that God will (and does) always see us through!

Always remember that you are smart, kind and of course, loved so much by your family! Always remember that YOU are my favorite thing in the world and that will never change! Happy birthday my big 4 year old boy!

Friday, March 9, 2012

On being prepared

The curtains are closed, but behind them, the stage is set for the show that's about to start.  The bags are (almost) packed, stacks if diapers and boxes of wipes are stuffed in whatever space we can find, the play-yard sits at the ready, changing table set, baby clothes washed and ready for the tiny body that's going to adorn them. Everything just waiting, frozen in time for now.  Like actors, we have rehearsed all our parts and know them well, we've prepared for this show for almost nine months now. And now the curtain is about to open, the show about to begin. Life about to change. Life about to begin.

I've felt for a while now that just because we have a set c-section date does not mean that we won't go into labor before then.  In fact, I feel pretty certain that we will be early. So for the last few months I've had a profound need to have everything set and in order for whenever that moment may arrive.  I never went into labor with E, and I have no idea what it's going to be like. I suppose the Braxton Hicks contractions I've had the last six weeks have been prepping me for that, demonstrating to me what my body is going to feel like when it's time to take the stage.  And just like I would feel before a show, I am nervous. What if I forget my lines? What if I forget my blocking? What if I miss my cue? These were the things that once gave me the jitters before any show, now they sound more like What if Chris is at work? What if I don't really know I am in labor? What if we get to the hospital too late for the surgery? And like every other performance I've ever been in, I know that once I get myself out onto that stage I'll be fine. Everything that we've rehearsed the last few months will kick in and send me on auto pilot and I'll nail it.

But for now, we wait in the wings. Waiting for that "curtain" call. And we're ready.

Friday, March 2, 2012

March madness

Yet another month in the long haul has passed us by.  I am now left with only weeks until the big day, which is now officially set for April 10th (a bit later than I'd like since d-day is the 13th but, the end is indeed in sight. I guess...) My mom is pleased because this means she gets a grand baby for her birthday! Good thing too, because I am poor as hell, so a grand baby it is Ma! Happy b-day! The downer to this, I get to spend my birthday in the was planning on being holed up in bed with my kiddos! But perhaps having everyone wait hand and foot on me may not be too bad (I do love chocolate covered strawberries, cheesecake, and sushi if you'd like to send a little b-day love to me in the good ol hospital!)

I am definitely very glad that the end of the journey is in sight now as it has become very unpleasant being me lately.  My pregnancy has been "tolerable" until the last few weeks.  It is seemingly impossible to do pretty much anything but lay around all the time since fatigue and back pain are both major problems. Sleeping has been both better (new mattress!!) and worse (it's just damned uncomfortable no matter where or how I sleep) and nausea has returned, however, my appetite has remained causing a bit of a surge in my weight gain this month. I am officially at 36 lbs total, and would really like to stop right here!! Doc still assures me that everything is fine but I feel like a major fat ass, especially since my will to do any physical activity has flown out the window! So April 10th cannot get here fast enough!

We have just about everything ready for Luke's arrival and thank goodness for a good tax return and some awesome family and friends for that! When we had Ethan, we didn't need to buy anything at all for him for months! Clothes? We didn't buy any for E for a looooong time, for L.J? I had to buy a ton, and we still could use some more!(Don't grow too fast please!) Diapers? E was set for the first 5 months of his life, L.J. may have a 2 month supply in which mom and dad have provided about half of.  Both my husband and I are seeing that it's only fun for friends and family the first time you have a kid I suppose. Or maybe it's because we're having another boy? I don't know, I've never done this before so I imagined we'd get super spoiled like we did the first baby! And while both babies have been a BIG deal to us, Chris is super worried that Luke will feel like he's not as good as his brother is based on the amount of stuff he doesn't have. I'm pretty sure he's not going to notice that he didn't have as many blankets or toys as his brother did when he was a baby!

I keep thinking about how stressful this month is going to be around here. I start my stupid, expensive phlebotomy class tomorrow, Chris is wrapping up his finals and he then starts his last semester for his A.S. program (yea!), E turns 4! I feel like we're going to be running our butts off all month long with my OB appointments starting every week, plus finalizing everything for the incoming baby! But God willing we will survive this month and all its joy and maybe next month we will be able to slow down a little bit and enjoy the start of our new lives!!