Sunday, April 17, 2011

Bitter, party of one

Hey fans, just thought I'd take a cue from my bestie Andygirl and start a random thoughts series.  Hell, there's always a ton of random bullshit floating around in the old noggin here! Might as well put it down on paper? Computer? Internet? Whatever....

I am proud to announce that after 7 days of not being able to taste a GD thing, my sense of taste has returned to normal.  I ended up getting the sickness from the child, which figures because anytime he gets sick, I get sick also. My husband hardly ever gets it, and if he does it lasts for a day or 2, jerk...But this cold started in my chest, rendering me unable to breath with out serious steroid intervention (thank the good Lord I already had all the asthma stuff) then its evil little seed moved to a nasty sinus infection rendering all of my senses dulled.  Couldn't hear worth a shit, couldn't smell, couldn't see, couldn't taste. That one was the worst.  I mean, talk about fat girl torture! You'd think that I would have lost weight during these 7 days of non-tasting, but no, I was bound and determined to try and taste anything at all possible, and it was my birthday week last week, so hell to the no was I going to sit out on a week of decadent eating! But like a nasty hang over, I can feel its effects but I can't remember shit. I blame Satan, that SOB! Who else would be behind such trickery?

As said above, since I have moved back to the good ol CA, things haven't gone so well as far as my diet program is concerned.  I had lost a total of 17 lbs when I moved and since have gained...gulp...7 back. What is it with the number 7? I have not been working out (at all) and have been behaving in the most gluttonous fashion imagined (birthday, hello!) and the results of fast food, junk, and stress have brought back 7 big ones.  Not to worry my pets, Betty is going to be working hard the next 2 weeks and you can bet your bottom dollar that those nasty 7 lbs will be gone by....(consulting calender)...May uno. Yup, we started the C25K program again today, for the third (and final) time. For those of you who don't know, I have a love, hate relationship with running. But we are currently flirting again, and I hope this evolves into a steamy affair! Grrrr!

So my sister-in-law Amy has lost 30 lbs by eating better and walking every day, and I am really jealous.  I was supposed to have lost 30 as mentioned here (for those of you behind or who just don't remember, you've a lot of reading to do huh?) by now also, but as mentioned above I failed, hard.  But I am so excited for her, she's doing awesome and has become my inspiration! She is doing things the right way and I just wanted to give her her kudos where they are due! Snaps for Amy y'all!

Operation procreation has also resumed at casa West. After taking a 3 month reprieve to lose a few lbs and move and de-stress our lives we have resumed baby making. I'm not putting any pressure (you're thinking ya right aren't you?) on it at all, since I am still trying to shed lbs, but I am taking a much different approach than before.  We tried for 4 months with no success, took a break for 3, and I will probably keep a cycle similar to that, until Dec, when if we haven't conceived yet, we look into our other options (adoption).  I will not put my body through IVF or any medication, if we can't get pregnant naturally, it's not meant to be and I'm not going to force my body to do something it's not able to do. I have a beautiful child from my own womb and that is great, and I will give him brothers and sisters any way I can! Damn it! Although I will add, if we have a girl, both my sister and my bank accounts are in trouble! Serious trouble!

Potty training at casa West is going much better TYVM! Thanks to all of my faithful readers and friends for your advice, and while we are still struggling with pooping on the potty, he's a champ now at peeing on the potty...No accidents!!!!. But he's grasping the concept better than ever before and I know in the near future there will be poop success! Can I just say, you guys rock lobster? It's because of your clever advice that we have been able to make the progress we have!

I think I have exhausted my brain for a while, now I should be able to resume normal function, temporarily...snicker...But I leave you with the family photo from my white trash b-day party, yes, this is going in the Christmas card this year...

Lord, I love my family!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Bored Housewife

Remember when I said I wanted to be a kept woman? Well I have spent the last 3 weeks being just such. As we financially have no need for me to work until the end of next month I have been, well, taking my sweet ass time looking for a job. And I am officially bored to tears.

Now I did this when E was first born, I stayed at home for his entire first year of life and loved it. Somehow I found a way to fill my day and feel useful. Something about raising an infant takes more time than raising a toddler. The toddler is more independent, he does not require me to supervise him constantly, unlike the infant who pretty much needs constant care. However, the infant does sleep for vast parts of the day, so how did I make this work before?

Or was it that I was in my own house then, vs. living with my sister this time. The house isn't mine, I can't decorate it ( I mean, I can, my sister and I have similar tastes and she has been most gracious in letting us stay here.) I can't arrange and re-arrange furniture, etc.  Not that I did that in my own house before, but it just feels as though I have nothing to do around here.

Maybe it's just that we are making significantly less money than we were and therefore I must *gasp* conserve our precious funds.  I can't really leave the house and go out about town, because incase y'all haven't noticed, gas is M-Fing expensive! And where would I go? Because anyone who has ever had a 3 year old knows it isn't easy trudging an anxious little busy-body around the mall for hours. That's a stressful situation, and stress makes you fat! True story.

So I am left with a handful of options here; a) let the husband get a second job, therefore increasing our funds,  but minimizing our time to procreate and other, b) just have the hub get a better job in general so our funds will improve anyhow and therefore open windows of opportunity of potential outings and still leave ample time for grown up activity, or the final and most logical option for my sanity, c) I get part time work, just 3 days a week, at least until school starts this summer.

I really would like the hub to get a better job, but I need to be outside the home (for now) doing something that I feel is meaningful. It's going to take a while for me to jump through the hoops Cali has set up as far as obtaining my phlebotomy license so in the meantime I plan on throwing myself into finding something to do outside the house that warrants a paycheck until I am able to raise the funds to get my license. (We will be holding a carwash next weekend for those interested in donating) *kidding, maybe*

I don't know how or where I lost my SAHM mojo, and I really, really hope to regain some of that spark someday. Who knows, maybe after baby #2 comes along I'll want to hang up my working mommy clothes and don the super mommy cape once more. But until then look for me at your nearest retailer! Just kidding, retail, ick....

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Tao of E's Potty Training

When he was about 15 months old, E started showing some curiosity as to what Daddy and I were doing in the bathroom, so we decided that since he was still a bit young we wouldn't "formally" start training him until he was 2. Around that time we went out browsing for the perfect potty chair for our little man. We put a lot of thought into the potty itself, not wanting it to be too busy, or else he'd only want to play with it, not do the doo, if you will.  But we also didn't want it to be too boring. So we chose one that we felt was juts right. Not too many frills, but enough dazzle to make it fun. At first, he was slightly terrified of the thing, then he began dragging it around the house, using it to watch T.V. and even sitting on it in the bathroom with us, but hes till wasn't quite ready to take the plunge.

 We went out searching for books as well, looking for any possible edge on this whole potty training thing, determined that the 3 of us were going to nail toilet training in record time. The kid loves to read and I spoil him rotten with literature (the best and only kind of spoiling a child should get IMHO!) We were pretty choosy about his books too. Some talked down to the child, telling them that we wee-wee and make poopies on the potty. No, no, no....we don't wee-wee or make poopies, we pee and poop. I could only find 2 books that weren't really ridiculous. Or were not made for girls. And he was really into the books, we used them as tools at the potty, reading them and showing him examples, and also leaving them by the potty for him to check out while he's sitting and trying to do his thing. At first he seemed to be pretty much on board. At first...

For a while E was regularly sitting on the potty and going pee, when we put him on the potty anyhow.  He never took the initiative, but we figured it was part of the learning process, having never done this before. Then we upped the anty, and made a huge potty chart including multiple kinds of reward stickers for various behaviors, (small stickers for sitting on the potty, big stickers for peeing, and a huge fanfare with confetti and balloons for a poop) **kidding on that last part! Little man seemed to be cool with this as well, but still, it was us pushing him to sit on the potty, us asking him if he wanted to earn a sticker, ect.

Pretty soon we started trying a different method, not getting the immediate results we wanted. We put the kid in big boy undies and put him on the pot every few mins.  This resulted in a lot of pee and poop messes. The boy could have cared less if he was sitting in his own piss and shit, he just kept on playing.  Several people, including my mom, told me that boys were just harder to potty train. But at this point it was getting exhausting! Not long after the underwear trick, he started refusing. Refusing to wear the underwear, refusing to sit on the potty, nothing. We hit a wall. Since he enjoyed being naked, we would just leave him Peter Pants-less, figuring, maybe being naked would prompt him to go sit on the potty.  That was short lived as the mess left behind was, as I'm sure you can imagine, horrible.

So here we are approaching the child's 3rd b-day and potty training was pretty much at a stand still.  Every once and a while the exhausted potty training duo (the Hub and I ) would bribe the boy to pee on the potty with candy, the boy's favorite thing, and something that is pretty much forbidden in casa West. But those attempts never got very far, so we quit. Obviously, he just wasn't ready. We will wait until after his 3rd birthday and try again.





He just turned 3 last month, for those readers who are a tid bit behind, and we have just recently resumed potty training. And guess what... We are getting the same results as before. We skipped all the other bull shit and went straight to bribing the little non-conformist right off the bat. And so far, I've had to throw away a pair of pants because senor pooped in them and decided he didn't like that and tried to remove the poop himself (being a parent is soooo glamorous isn't it?) We have been at it for...3 days and I AM READY TO QUIT! There have been more tears shed in the last 3 days than all the other attempts at potty training total, most of them mine. I'm guessing that we won't be sending him off to Harvard in pull-ups but damn! This potty training business is certainly not for the weak at heart! I've truly spent a fortune on pull ups and and really ready to say the hell with it, but we live with my sister, and while I know she's not keeping the carpet, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want her nephew pissing and shitting all over it.

So I guess the moral of this tale is...HELP! Anyone have any pointers, advice, words of wisdom, encouragement, or horror stories (preferably with a happy ending) to share with me? Because this momma is throwing the towel in on potty training!!!!

Friday, April 1, 2011


I didn't want stitches. I had seen my little brother get them several times. It didn't look pretty, or fun.  So I sat in the doctors office screaming bloody murder that I. Would. Not. Have. Stitches.

The way I remember it, we were lining up to go to recess. The front of the room was lined with counters, flanking the door in and out of the classroom. I was proudly named line leader for the day, which when in kindergarten, is kind of  a big deal.  We were getting settled in line when things in the back got rowdy. Like a row of dominoes, each child pushed the one in front, until it hit the line leader. I was pushed and knocked off balance by Tony Henry, and splat, my forehead was introduced in the most  personal way to the corner of the counter. That place were the two counter ends meet forming a cruel sharp point kissed my head causing the flesh to split open.  Kindergartners do not deal well with blood, and there was plenty of the bright red stuff all over.  The children erupted in more chaos, I was screaming and crying bloody murder, and poor Mrs. Lazane was left to clean up and calm a class of about 25 five year olds and take me to the school nurse.

I was so glad to see my mom. I cried and pleaded that I didn't want stitches.Please no stitches. But she said that I might need them, and that David has had them 2 times already, and he is just fine. The attemted reassurance did little to abate my profound fear.

 After his examination of me, the doctor said I may indeed need stitches. I protested, vehemently. Crying and wailing and behaving in the most absured mannor. (The kind of thing I hate for my young patients to do today) I ended up with several butterfly band-aids under a larger band-aid.  No stitches.  Just a scar that is still visible nearly 25 years after the incident occurred. And the most vivid memory I have of my time in kindergarten. Not the play-doh, not the milk and graham crackers for snack, not my first kiss with a boy named Justin. Just the ugly scar I still carry today. I guess some of the scars of our childhood are worn on the outside as well as the inside.

This was a post for the RemembeRED prompt: Remember kindergarten. If, after thinking about it for a while, you can't recall anything, move on to first grade. Mine your memories and write about the earliest grade you can recall. What was special? What was ordinary? What did you feel? Hear? See? Smell?