I win?

This is the story of how I won the argument for having another child.  You see, I myself was not even convinced that we should have anymore. In fact, I had just given up on the idea.  I was done. Well, I was trying to accept being done. 

Anyone who knows us knows that we have been dancing around with this idea of having another child.  Lucas is a very difficult, high energy little guy and my husband has a very limited amount of patience for the little ones, so in all reality, it would make sense for us to not to  have any other children.  Limited resources and our advancing age were also factors.  I kind of knew that this was not something that was very likely. 

But we do not have children for the first five years.  After that, having children becomes a bit easier.  They are a bit more independent, they require less one on one entertainment.  But even knowing that these "fun" toddler stages will soon pass, these were not the reasons we decided to have another child.

A few nights ago, I noticed that several of Ethan's book had teeth marks on them.  My first thought was that the baby was chewing on them.  Well, later that day I found E chewing on one of his favorite books.  Now that we are armed with the knowledge of knowing he has Autism, several memories from his infancy to now became crystal clear.  He has had it all along.  Everything that lead me to believe he was just a "good" baby was just the Autism.  As you can imagine, I was instantly floored with my own grief.  He was born this way and will be this way forever.  And one day, I will not be around to protect him.

He will eventually learn to navigate in our "world" and will be able to function and appear fairly normal, if not maybe a little odd.  But he will always have certain tendencies, and there will always be certain things that will be hard for him to deal with.  Something that his siblings will be able to help him with when mom and dad cannot.  The instant I had this thought I told my husband who, although he is hesitant, and a bit scared, agrees with me whole heartedly.  These trials that we are going through now will pass and someday Chris and I (God willing, a long distance in the future) will pass on too, leaving our close knit children together to forage on without us.  There is strength in numbers.  Three is good.  Three is strong.  And three there will be! (Unless the Big Guy has other plans, like twins...)


***No, I am not currently pregnant, nor are we trying at this time, I have a few things to work on first and then, maybe in about 3-6 months we will embark on this adventure again! Also make sure you like my blog facebook page to keep up to date with any Autism, weight loss, and/or baby news?****