Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Holidays and the epic husband fail

Valentine's day is supposed to be one of those holidays that you love when you are in a relationship. It's a day for your S.O. to show you their love and appreciation, by sometimes giving jewelry, flowers, or candy. A time for a loved one to feel validated, worthy, and, well, loved!

Now, flashy gifts aren't always what your lover may be looking for, but it is very nice to know just how loved you are. Sometimes it is just a simple homemade card or breakfast in bed that really shows your lover how much you really do care. All in all, it really requires little effort, minimal, if any cash at all, and just a touch of thoughtfulness to do something special, be it big or small.

That doesn't happen for me. Like ever. Ok, maybe my husband has done something one or two years for V-day in the entire 10 years we've been together, but it was pretty damned forced, and many MAJOR hints were dropped that if he didn't he'd surely be in the dog house for the rest of the year. But other than that, he absolutely lacks the capacity for any sort of romantic gesture. You see for him, Valentine's day is pretty much all about getting physical. This sort of thing may have been acceptable before we got married, but now he pretty much relys on the fact that he should be getting lucky at least twice this month (his birthday is also this month) and therefore puts no thought or effort into any sort of gift, romantic gesture, or food product. It is very disappointing being me every Valentine's day.

Now, my husband is a very lucky man.  Not a single holiday goes by that he isn't reminded just how much his wifey truly loves him.  Even on the holidays where we have zero cash to spend on each other I still always put some sort of thought into doing something extra special for him, like a note in his lunch, handmade cards, baking various delicious treats, or when I can, buying him something he wants or needs. Every holiday. But him? He never puts much thought or effort into any holiday at all. My birthday? "Sorry, we had no money." Mother's day "But you monitor the bank account like a hawk." Our anniversary "Oh, that's today?" Christmas "Here's a gift card to coldstones!" (I really don't even like ice cream). It's lame. Every holiday I come up empty handed, and always there are about 20 lame excuses as to why he didn't do anything for me.

So not only do I hate valentines day, but pretty much any holiday where under normal conditions, the ones you love do something special for you. Because I know my husband will fail on the most epic level possible. Is is possible that he clearly just completely lacks the imagination? I mean, my dad even does stuff for my mom and he's pretty un-motivated to do damn near anything at all most days! So I kind of don't buy into that bull. 

Now, he does on occasion get me gifts, as in this last Christmas, 2010, he did buy me the Tiffany necklace, but I'll tell you right now, I suggested quite heavily that he should get it for me. I even gave him the money, took him to the store and showed him which one it was, and made sure he got off his ass and got it for me. Which means I pretty much bought it for myself and he took the credit for it. That is the extent of his gift giving, I have to meticulously plan it ahead of time and then I know exactly what I am getting and when. Again, lamesauce! The man can't even take a hint.

 I've learned over the years that I must have extremely low expectations from this guy, therefore any little tiny thing he does do for me will come as a complete shock, I mean, I 'd be fucking floored if he actually paid attention to something I said and got it for me! (See, I even used the F word to prove how truly amazed I'd be) Because this guy is just not romantic at. all. And I live with it, always dreaming for just a tiny bit of creativity, but knowing that he is who he is and that I love him anyway. This is the man I chose to spend my eternity with, and I'll tell you it was not because he was a hopeless romantic.  Maybe someday he'll get the hint, but I won't hold my breath!

Thursday, February 9, 2012


This last Sunday we had a super bowl party with our bible study group.  It was the first time the group had been around our son.  Two of the women in my group are teachers and they said that for an almost 4 year old, my son was very bright.  One, a first grade teacher, said he was smarter than some of her students! And everyone went on about how well behaved and well mannered he was.  In fact, when around others, they frequently compliment my sons manners.  All of this makes me bust at the seams with pride.  Why? Because it means that despite what I think, my husband and I are doing something right.

What these people don't know is that last weekend my sister and I were literally dragging him out of the mall kicking and screaming because he was throwing the hugest temper-tantrum of all history. I have only been super embarrassed as a parent once, and that was it. 

Some days it's like having two different children.  He's an angel one day, all cuddly and huggy and kissy to me, "Mommy you're my princess."  The next day he is like the spawn of satan, and I  hear wonderful little gems like "Jesus doesn't love you and neither does daddy," or "You make me so sick mommy," as he sits in timeout.  Boy I can't wait for his teenage years!

There are days when I know why some species eat their young, and other days when he amazes me with his knowledge, or his kindness, or his faith in God. On those not so good days I can't help but wonder if something is mentally wrong with him.  Why does he do this or that? Why doesn't he understand the simple concept of listening, or of consequences? What is wrong with him? Then there are days when I feel like it's all me.  Am I doing this right? Will he be in therapy for years because we spank him? Am I teaching him the right things? What am I doing here at all? Who let me have kids?

I mean, I am still new to the job here.  I have no other experience to base my findings on yet.  I'm hoping for much more luck this next time around! But really, how do you know when your kid is just being a kid and when there really is a problem? My husband and I have discussed going to seek the advice of our doctor, not because we really feel like Ethan is broken in any way, but mostly for the peace of mind it would give us.  If he's fine then I know I just have to tough it out, and maybe start drinking more. And if there is something wrong then that's fine too and we'll just move on, on the best path for him.  Mostly I need to hear that he is just a toddler being a toddler form someone who knows kids.

They don't tell you when they hand that tiny bundle of baby over to you in the hospital just how hard this job will be.  They don't give you instructions, other than feed it, clothe it, and keep it safe.  They don't tell you that it doesn't get any easier when they start to walk, and then talk, and then talk back to you, and then say horrible things to you. If they did, I believe there wouldn't be such a huge population! Hello China, I found your solution! Show those crazy SOB's a pre-schooler with an attitude, or a teenager going through puberty! But you learn life together, you go through those rough patches as a family.  Some parents only mildly damage their children after it all, some children damage their parents, and some, on both ends, royally screw it up. But I don't think any parent goes into having a child with the feeling that they intend to emotionally scar their kid for life.  It's all part of the learning curve.

Life is messy, as a blog I just read so perfectly put.  Even when it looks neat on the surface, there's still some dirt under it all.  Anyone who pretends to have all their shit together isn't fooling anyone.  In fact you're probably the most messed up! But I'll take my mess, my obstinate child and his temper and all his flaws any day.  God only gives us what He believes we can handle, and I am so glad to know that He thinks I am a real bad ass! Because He sure dishes it out!

It would be so nice if more parents were able to share their insecurities with one another.  Think of the wealth of knowledge we could all gain, think of the support! Instead of everyone just trying to pretend that they have it all together, so much more could be accomplished by being honest. The "Dude, I have NO CLUE what I am doing here with this kid! Help!" Instead of " Oh Samantha is just perfect! Such an angel all the time, we're so blessed!" Blech! No one believes that bull shit! In fact I may start my own support group, called "Most days my kid is great, but some days he's a real asshole." And we will all be truthful and honest and share war stories and also share the good stories too. And there will be wine, lots of wine, and cake. And maybe pie...anyone with me?

Thursday, February 2, 2012

9 weeks and counting down!

Yikes! We are in the single digits now!! Only nine weeks left until life is totally turned upside-down!

Things are still going ok over here, I keep remembering just how unpleasant the last trimester is.  My body feels like crap all the time and my nausea has returned! Yea!! I am thisclose to going back on the anti-nausea medication I was on in my first trimester!

My doctor visits are now bi-weekly so I will be stressing even more about my weight, which is still fine.  I guess since I was constantly harassed by my last OB about my weight at each and every visit, I keep expecting to get the same verbal lashing from my current OB. But she keeps assuring me that everything is just fine.  And at this point I have only gained a mere 26 lbs in comparison to the 50 or so I gained the first time around.  I am being much more careful this time around as my poor body cannot possibly handle another 70 lbs! Besides, I was only able to lose 30+ of that 70 from E so if I gain 30+ with LJ, I know I can handle that!

I posted on facebook a few days ago about a fall I had on Sunday night, which has prompted me to wear only flat soled shoes until LJ gets here, for the safety of both of us! I still have a sore knee, ankle and wrist and doing yoga was actually unpleasant a couple days ago as a result! I am very lucky that I didn't fall on my stomach and that nothing is broken! That could have been much worse! I guess after a while you have to realize that you have limits, so anything with a heel (sniff, sniff) is gone!

Am I a little freaked out that I pretty much have only 2 months left? Maybe. I am feeling better knowing that at the end of this month we will be 100% ready for LJ's arrival so I am not freaking out just yet.  He is measuring right on track so I am not worried that he will end up coming early, well, early as in this month anyhow! As for now I just sit back and count the days! I keep thinking that in the very near future, I will be doing pretty much the same thing, but with a baby. Not sure how much my life will change, but I'm looking forward to it.

 P.S. Can you believe it's already February?