Friday, January 27, 2012

Hurry up and slow down...and other random thoughts

I think that most women, while pregnant, feel as though those 9 months go by excruciatingly slow. I can't exactly say that I feel that way.  I look back and wonder where the last 6.5 months went. I seriously feel so unprepared, like he's going to be here tomorrow and I've got so much yet to do. I was looking for baby mittens at Target a few weeks ago, because we didn't register for any clothes for Lucas and I really felt like I needed to have those mittens rightnow. The one Target I went to must have been re-doing all the baby stuff they had because not only could I not find the damn mittens, but I couldn't find any other infant items (onsies, socks, hats, etc,) as well, and you wouldn't believe the panic that set in because of the damn lack of mittens.  It was like my whole world was going to collapse, like I was going to be officially branded 'asshole mother of the year' because I had 3.5 moths left in my pregnancy and no mittens to show for it. Today, Target did have the baby mittens and I carried them around in my cart the entire time I was in the store, having some relief that I had acquired the wondrous mittens! By the time we were finished I put them back. Like I really need to have mittens right this minuet? I've got 10 weeks left and a pretty limited budget. I think that it's ok to wait a few more weeks for mittens. But that crazy panic sets in every once and a while! I am going to have another baby in a very short amount of time!

 Today my nesting took a toll on my truck, my poor, filthy truck.  We have had the family truckster for about 2.5 years and it has really taken a beating in that time.  No one ever tells you that once you have a child you will never have a clean car again.  I cleaned up paint from E's art classes, soda and food stains from my dear husband, who takes his lunches at work in his car, and trash from months ago. I also tackled stains of questionable nature on the seats (which thus far have defeated even my cleaning abilities,  but I will win damn it!), dust and dirt and grim from years of kids and husband, and I vacuumed about a half ton of gunk off the floor.  That puppy sparkles now like a brand new penny, and 20 bucks says my husband won't even notice. It will look like a dumpster again by tomorrow. Sigh.

Why do you never have a camera handy when you need one? Today the boy was playing with the cat on our bed and the image of my son cradling this giant cat who happens to be about as long as E is tall, was completely priceless. But alas, camera and cell phone were safely tucked away in my purse on the kitchen counter. Boo.

Yesterday my best friend and I took a random trip to Disneyland with our kids.  It's really funny because we both used to go together all the dang time. If you have ever spent time with the two of us you know we have random inside jokes about pretty much everything, and Disney spares no expense.  It really makes life come full circle in a way knowing that here we are (or were for that matter) at this place that still hold so much magic for the two of us, with our children.  Of course I am hugely pregnant and she has a 4 month old so you can imagine how productive our trip was.  Especially getting two huge strollers on and off the tram, while my son was sleeping. Holding a 35 lbs toddler while 6.5 months pregnant is not something I wish to do again anytime soon. But we had fun and I look forward to when the kids are older and we can all go together again (preferably with husbands so they can do the heavy lifting!). Perhaps one day we will be going with our grandkids too!

So I only have 10 weeks left of pregnancy torture and I can tell you I am pretty stoked about that! I'll be really glad to sleep on my back and stomach again, even if I only get to do so for 30 minuet stretches! I am eager to see what this little boy is going to look like, and get to know who he is going to be. And everywhere I go I'll see an adorable little baby and I just want to stick him in my purse and run away. But I refrain from craziness knowing my own little one will be here so soon! And jail is no place to give birth, so I have heard...But I am feeling alright, I have my ups and downs. Some days I feel like I'm still in my first trimester and I want to vomit at everything I see or smell, and some days I feel like I'm not even pregnant. Most days I'm tired, cranky, and hungry. It's like a wonderful surprise each morning when I wake up! Just how shitty will I feel today!?

**And just a little side note here about my profound love (not) of being pregnant:
I understand that there may be readers here who are trying to have children or who wish they had a family or whatever the circumstance, and my complaining about being pregnant is in no way meant to highlight the struggles and frustrations some people may feel when they read about so and so bitching about her pregnancy. I have felt that way a time or two myself. As you may recall, getting pregnant this time around was an extremely difficult and heartbreaking process for my husband and me, and there was a time I felt like I'd probably cut a bitch for talking about having morning sickness and whatnot, but now that I am here, I realize, as well as most women on this wacky roller coaster, that pregnancy sucks. But my complete hatred of pregnancy doesn't make me any less of a good parent, and it doesn't make me resent my children and it is in no way keeping me from trying again for a third child. Best way to put it? Imagine having the flu for nine months, and tell me you wouldn't bitch about that yourself? Right. And if it still bugs you that much, stop reading.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012


Such a touchy subject. And who among us has not committed this sin? (If you honestly think you haven't ever done it, you're one of the worst offenders! True story!)

It seems the instant you become pregnant everyone is filling your head with 'ideas' on how you should raise your child. Some of the info is generally helpful, while for the most part, much of it can be down right condescending.  I mean, when it comes right down to it, don't you, the parent, know what's best for your child? I'm pretty sure I've done my fair share of what other people may think are parenting no-no's.  For instance, I spank my son. Some people think that is totally barbaric! How could you? Gasp, call CPS, this bitch is crazy and beating her child! When honestly, what difference does it make? It is my and my husband's decision to choose how to discipline, feed, nurture, praise, and grow our children into the adults we think they should be. No one else has any say in that.

So why then do we all as moms feel the need to tell each other, be it subtly or not so subtly, that what your doing is wrong? What is with the mompetition?

What is with this need to feel like other moms suck at child raising? And that you are indeed "winning" at this parenting thing? The need to judge how other moms choose to raise their children is overwhelming!  Do we do this because we really feel like total parenting failures most of the time? And if we see Sally Soandso doing something downright atrocious, does it make you feel better about you and your own shortcomings?

Maybe it just falls into women being uber competitive with each other even before children come in the picture.  Suzie has more friends than Jenny, Tasha has bigger boobs than Evie, Megan married a lawyer while Christy married a plumber, etc. From the beginning it seems that women are hardwired to compete against each other in this strange contest. Does anyone know why? I sure as heck don't! But it seems to make sense. And while Evie may never have bigger boobs than Tasha, she can gloat in her mind that she is a much better mom because she only feeds her children organic food while Tasha is the fast food queen! Do you sleep better at night Evie? Probably not.

You would think that as moms we would be coming together, sharing horror stories and bonding over a lack of sleep when it really gets down to that fake smile, ass out hug, and air kisses everytime you see another mom you know,  then you go talk shit to your husband about the fact that she lets her kids drink soda! You know dudes don't do this stuff. Can you imagine your husband in this conversation with his buddies:

"Oh my gosh Paul, you will never guess who was at the playground today texting away on his iphone while his kid ate fist fulls of dirt!"
"Who, was it Norm?"
"Yes! Can you believe that guy? I mean, put the phone down and watch your kid!"
"Ugh, seriously! That guy is so father of the year!"

 Ha ha, right? But you know you've probably had a conversation similar to that with your girlfriends. (again, don't lie to yourself, we all do it, this is a safe place where no one is judging you...) Maybe we just shouldn't care about those things.  I mean, it's not your kid who is eating dirt, or wearing disposable diapers, or who is formula fed, or who is still not potty trained, and on and on and on, so why do you care? You don't have to deal with it? And every mom knows that when you get home, your little angel isn't such an angel after all. Some days kids suck! Being a parent is hard and no one is blissful and happy after you have children! Sorry, they are hard work!  I always say (post child) that being a parent is the hardest but most rewarding job I've ever had. Why would we even think about being better than the next gal? Honestly, if your kid grows up and doesn't go on wild killing sprees, doesn't get robbed by a hooker, has some sort of job, and doesn't end up in rehab 178 times you've probably done a pretty dang good job, despite all the hater-mom's opinions out there. So next time you catch yourself starting to judge someone over their parenting choices, stop and think about why. Maybe we can put an end to this garbage!

Friday, January 13, 2012


Just got our 2012 calendars today (thanks mom!).  It brings up all sorts of excitement and anticipation for the upcoming months,  and the promise of a fresh start that a new year gives us .  What does 2012 hold for us?  Filling out each month with the necessary information, birthdays, Dr.'s appointments, parties, etc., leads me to wonder what each new month will hold. 

Will March bring that big promotion that my husband is up for? (prayers are indeed needed for this one, if you would)
Will we have our own home by May?
Will we be able to take a nice vacation for our 5 year anniversary in July?
Will we still be living in the high desert in September?
 Will we be going to Florida in October?
Will we have a big Christmas this year with our newly expanded families?

There is so much this year that I am looking forward to, and I feel it in my heart that this year will be so much better for my family. It makes me eager to see the time fly by and welcome each new surprise with open arms.