Thursday, January 31, 2013

Motiv----ah, whatever!

Last time I checked in I was struggling all through December, not working out, plagued by illness, and eating like crap pretty much all month, and I didn't manage to hit my goal of below 200 lbs. I did lose some weight, but not at all what I needed to lose and most of it sickness induced, so I entered the new year determined to hit my goal and be done with the terrible 2's for good. 

...Unfortunately, I missed the mark again.  My motivation left the building almost ALL month long,  leaving me close, but no cigar.  I have worked out a grand total of 10 days this month. Ten!! Most of them in the last two weeks as I struggle to get myself back on track. 

And I'm close, really dang close, so it pisses me off a bit.  I should be telling you all that I'm close to the 180's by now! But this struggle is my life.  And sometimes we get sidetracked by life.  Some days I'm feeling good, working out, eating great and feeling like this:

Only in a perfect world...
Aaaaaand then there are days when I'm shoveling fistfuls of cookies into my pie hole, while sitting on the couch watching "Glee", feeling a little bit more like this:

Yes, I did go there.
I'll keep on mentioning that this whole process is a journey.  It doesn't start one weekend and finish the next.  This is me changing my life. And life change doesn't happen overnight.  What I need is to stop telling all my lovely (two) readers out there about how I sometimes fail and that it's ok, and start looking into the mirror when saying that.  I need to hear it the most.  I'm not a contestant on the biggest loser, I don't have anyone telling what, when and how much to eat or what, when, and how hard to work out.  I have myself. I don't have a fancy gym membership.  I have some dvd's and my own two feet.  I'm doing this 100% solo, no buddy to cheer me on (sometimes my husband does) no one telling me that the days I don't want to work out are the days I need it the most.  No one telling me that cookies are bad (without moderation) and to stop eating like crap.  It is all on my own shoulders, so my progress and my failures are solely my responsibilities.  And that makes my victories SOOOOO much sweeter.  So maybe I'm not quite where I wanted to be at this point.  But I am on my way, and now I'm not stopping!

This is a marathon, not a sprint!