You are sitting next to me noisily munching away on some apples, and I should be using this "quiet" time to hunt for a job, but you! So darling, sweet, funny. And smart, too smart. I can't help it, I'm so very much in love right now!
In just a few short days you will hit the big 5. I can't believe as I sit here and look at your handsome little, chocolate peanut buttered face that the time has flown by so quickly. The tiny strings that tie you to me are starting to unravel as you grow. You need me less and less for some things and more and more for others.
It's been a rough year for us. A year with lots of changes, you now have a sibling who occupies lots of my time, we are trying to navigate this "issue" with you and your behavior, and we are not where we need to be as a family, both physically and spiritually. But you keep smiling, and laughing, and learning despite it all. Your tenacity is so admirable! Its one of the things I love most about you.
Often I feel like you got a bum deal. You were the first born to a certifiably crazy mother who struggled with a broken brain while trying to raise a "normal" kid. I will be forever haunted with the fact that your shortcomings in life are my failures as a parent. Please know that everything I do , little man, is for you! All of the good, the bad, and the ugly. The day you came into my life, you saved my life.
You are my most special gift from God; my little angel if you will! I love you from the top of your fuzzy blond head to the tips of your long, gangly toes! You will be someone great someday. You'll be a success at anything you do, I know it. But today, you are someone great to me and you can rest in the fact that I will always be your biggest fan, your loudest cheerleader, your toughest critic, and your biggest support.
Enjoy five big guy!