Week two of get thee less fattimus:
Total lbs lost: 5
Days exercised: 1 :(
This knee injury has been major lamesauce. My knee is getting worse everyday, the pain has reduced me to tears the last three days. I did go have it checked out on Tuesday and x-rays were taken as it was pretty swollen and I am still waiting to hear back from the dr's office. I am pretty sure it's bad news bears though. The way it feels, this will not be a simple case of R.I.C.E!! (rest, ice, compression, elevation) And seriously nothing has made me more depressed these last two weeks than not being able to move more! For the first time in a looooooong time I have been so motivated to work out only to be unable. I have to say that thankfully, eating much better has been paying off for me or I would be doubly pissed off! It still hasn't been an easy road in the dieting half though, there were a couple of days that I was really freaking hungry! I just had to choose very wisely and pray, pray, pray for the strength to get through this!! And I am kicking ass!
Now the plan of attack going into week 3, lots of ab and arm strength training. I will also start doing some resistance band training as well, going back to my dancer days and all the pi-yo stuff used to do, to get the muscles shredding! But I am pretty sure cardio is out. :(..... If only I had a pool!!!! Or access to one in the near vicinity! Which I do not. Booooooooo!
This week I could sure use some positive thoughts, well wishes and prayers for the knee to magically heal itself. (And also for me to not need the "S" word)
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
On the road again...
Holy crap! Look who came out of blog retirement!! That's right, I'm back! (for now). After having baby #2 I really wanted to focus on raising my two darling children for a while, and I am pretty sure no one was reading my stuff anyhow. But now, the dust has settled in life a bit and I missed bearing my soul to the Internet!
Also, it has taken me about 4 months (post partum) to finally realize, I am done being the angry fat chick. So we are on the road again, the road to wellness.
I don't want to say I have a number in mind when it comes to my actual goal weight, and thinking about almost 100lbs to lose is a little daunting, so the plan for the moment is eating better, much better. This week I have cut back on calories, mercilessly tracking away via spark people and keeping within a 1700-2000 calories a day range (only because I'm breastfeeding or that would be more like 1200-1500). As just two days, I had lost 2 lbs already, and I feel great! By eating more fruits and veggies, I can already feel my body gaining more energy, and craving less junk! It's wonderful because if you've been reading all along, you know that sugar is my downfall. Eff off sugar, I don't need you! (ok, maybe just a little bit...) so this is truly a miracle of epic proportions. I am also drinking a metric fuck ton of water. Each time I finish a meal, or finish a round of nursing thing 2, I try to chug my 24 oz cup. I currently work out by running to the bathroom every thirty seconds. Ha! But that seriously helps curb the cravings. My meals are currently looking something like this:
1 cup cereal with 1% milk and fruit in the am, no sugary shit either, we stopped buying any kinds of kid cereal months ago.
crystal light energy or an iced coffee to drink and a granola bar as a snack
a salad with chicken or steak meat and 2-4 cookies ( I still need a little sugar) or a lean cuisine meal for lunch
water, water, water, water
healthy dinner with lots of veggies, mostly new recipes I have gotten from pinterest, peppered in with some oldies, but goodies. And I usually top that off with 1 cup of ice cream (I looooove my desserts, and I usually eat a HUGE bowl of ice cream in a sitting, but have since started eating stuff out of Ethan's little guy dishes to control portion sizes and crazy enough, I am satisfied!!)
Aaaaaand that usually come out to about 2000 calories.
I have been wanting to work out and spent Monday and Tuesday totally depressed because I managed to hurt my knee this weekend, rendering me pretty useless. But I did start walking, quite modestly, Wednesday and again today, and hopefully my knee will get over being lame and heal itself so I can start running 3 days a week. The plan will eventually work up to running 3 days a week and doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred 2-3 times a week as well. But, baby steps, yo!
So here it begins. And I freaking mean it this time!
Also, it has taken me about 4 months (post partum) to finally realize, I am done being the angry fat chick. So we are on the road again, the road to wellness.
I don't want to say I have a number in mind when it comes to my actual goal weight, and thinking about almost 100lbs to lose is a little daunting, so the plan for the moment is eating better, much better. This week I have cut back on calories, mercilessly tracking away via spark people and keeping within a 1700-2000 calories a day range (only because I'm breastfeeding or that would be more like 1200-1500). As just two days, I had lost 2 lbs already, and I feel great! By eating more fruits and veggies, I can already feel my body gaining more energy, and craving less junk! It's wonderful because if you've been reading all along, you know that sugar is my downfall. Eff off sugar, I don't need you! (ok, maybe just a little bit...) so this is truly a miracle of epic proportions. I am also drinking a metric fuck ton of water. Each time I finish a meal, or finish a round of nursing thing 2, I try to chug my 24 oz cup. I currently work out by running to the bathroom every thirty seconds. Ha! But that seriously helps curb the cravings. My meals are currently looking something like this:
1 cup cereal with 1% milk and fruit in the am, no sugary shit either, we stopped buying any kinds of kid cereal months ago.
crystal light energy or an iced coffee to drink and a granola bar as a snack
a salad with chicken or steak meat and 2-4 cookies ( I still need a little sugar) or a lean cuisine meal for lunch
water, water, water, water
healthy dinner with lots of veggies, mostly new recipes I have gotten from pinterest, peppered in with some oldies, but goodies. And I usually top that off with 1 cup of ice cream (I looooove my desserts, and I usually eat a HUGE bowl of ice cream in a sitting, but have since started eating stuff out of Ethan's little guy dishes to control portion sizes and crazy enough, I am satisfied!!)
Aaaaaand that usually come out to about 2000 calories.
I have been wanting to work out and spent Monday and Tuesday totally depressed because I managed to hurt my knee this weekend, rendering me pretty useless. But I did start walking, quite modestly, Wednesday and again today, and hopefully my knee will get over being lame and heal itself so I can start running 3 days a week. The plan will eventually work up to running 3 days a week and doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred 2-3 times a week as well. But, baby steps, yo!
So here it begins. And I freaking mean it this time!
Monday, July 9, 2012
To Rapture with love
So, I know I haven't been blogging up a storm lately, but I will come out of retirement soon!!!But now for a very shameless plug for my favorite photographers....
The work is great, I had a huge zit that Emily "took care of", my husband and son were in a horrible mood, but you'd never really know from these photos.
They are very professional and give you the freedom to print out your photos where ever you want.
If they can make this rag-tag bunch of misfits look great, imagine what they will do for you and yours!! You can find them here!
If they can make this rag-tag bunch of misfits look great, imagine what they will do for you and yours!! You can find them here!
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
When April Fool's jokes go wrong...
It was intended to be a pretty harmless, ha ha, joke's-on-you-peeps type of thing. I mean, you've gotta love seeing everyone post stuff on facebook to the likes of, uh-oh, we're pregnant or we're moving or Sammy is in the hospital with a terrible case of herpes or something on April first. And I was no exception, I mean, I had a pretty damned believable (apparently VERY believable) story for the day so I ran with it...
It started with me posting this picture, of the day my son Ethan was born, 4 years ago and saying, "Lucas decided to come on April 1st instead of April 10th" or something to that effect. I must admit, every one's reaction made my day. When will I ever get to pull a prank like this again? It was so worth it. And I still have no regrets! In fact, I am still laughing about it.
Well, karma is, as they say, a bitch. Now through out my entire pregnancy, my blood pressure ran a bit on the high side. But at my Dr's appointment on the 29th, it was pretty high, so high I was thisclose to being sent into the hospital to be monitored. So when I got home, being the good little phlebotomist/medical assistant that I am , I decided to monitor my BP daily to make sure all was well in the world. It was pretty normal every day, until Monday morning. Not wanting to be a worry wart, or hypochondriac I didn't want to alert the media right away. I tried to rest a bit, still not going down. Tried to drink a bunch of water, still not going down. I finally had to call my mom to seek her opinion on the matter. Should I call my doc or not? The verdict was call, just to err on the side of caution. The office then told me to head on down to the hospital, get checked out.
If anyone knows my husband you can imagine the phone call I had to make to him as he was at work.
Me: "Hey babe, how soon will you be done at work?"
Him: "Bout 30-45 mins, why?"
Me: "Well...Not to worry but my blood pressure is pretty high and the doc wants me to go to the hospital sometime soon. But finish what you're doing, then we'll leave whenever you get home."
Him: panicking "Um, what do you need me to do , should I leave now? Let me go tell my boss. (enter boss name here) I um, my wife is I mean her blood pressure is high, we have to go to the..."
Me: "Calm down, please."
Him: "I'm just going to finish up and um I , um we are uh..." insert more panic-panicy panic talk...
Me: "Please just relax, they are probably just going to monitor me and send me home ok, please don't freak out and end up getting in an accident on the way home."
Him: "Ok, I'll be home soon..."
Him not coming home right away gave me time to pack my bags, shower, chill out and get ready to go. I seriously thought that at the very least, they'd watch my BP, send me home and possibly do the section the following day.
I was pretty much calm and collected the entire time. Not really worried because I felt totally fine, normal even. I mean I had had it with being pregnant that was for sure but I didn't actually think that that night I'd be having a baby.
Once we got to the hospital I had to leave my husband in the lobby while they checked me in. The charge nurse was horrible and basically blew me off like I was one of those stupid patients who worries about everything. She told me that I'd have to go to a room and try to "calm down" while they waited for another nurse to be called in and take care of me. Once I was in that room, no one came in and took my BP until the nurse who was called in arrived. The first hour I was there was the most terrible "service" anyone could have ever had. By the time my nurse took my BP, it was 175/101. Pretty dang high, so much for calming down!
Once everything was said and done, my doc decided the best way to cure pre-eclampsia was to just deliver the baby. So that evening we prepared to have our son. Sometime after I had been hooked up to all the monitors and such, I ended up going into labor anyhow, and they had to start me on a drug called magnesium to help control my BP. Now, Mag hurts like hell when it's running through your body and between the IV meds, the BP cuff squeezing the crap out of my arm every 15 mins and contractions, shit hurt real freaking bad! I was pretty miserable! It was a trifecta of horrible-ness I'd not wish on my worst enemy! The time could not come any faster for that spinal block!
Once we actually got to the OR, our surgery was delayed due to a woman having twins in the room next door, au-natural mind you. It was actually pretty cool hearing twins be born, and I for one minuet wanted to have twins myself. Just for one minuet...But the time came and everyone was happy and laughing and having a good time. It was seriously such a positive feeling, I was very pleased at the entire OR team. Much better than my last section.
At 8:34, p.m. Lucas was born. He looks just like his big brother did, but with dark hair and that Italian skin color (Vs my and E's very pale German). He has been great at nursing, great at sleeping and has a very active colon.
I wrote this post in January of '11 about the fear I felt about not having enough room in my heart to love another child. It wasn't until that moment he arrived that I knew that was so out the window. The heart is a wonderous thing, it grows to accommodate. Now I can't imagine my world a mere 8 days ago with out this beautiful boy in it. Having my boys with me, curled up on the bed watching TV or whatever together is the most perfect thing I could ever imagine. And I'm so glad that this April fool's joke tried to get the best of me, because I couldn't have been happier with the results!
 |
| Ethan, March 18, 2008 |
Well, karma is, as they say, a bitch. Now through out my entire pregnancy, my blood pressure ran a bit on the high side. But at my Dr's appointment on the 29th, it was pretty high, so high I was thisclose to being sent into the hospital to be monitored. So when I got home, being the good little phlebotomist/medical assistant that I am , I decided to monitor my BP daily to make sure all was well in the world. It was pretty normal every day, until Monday morning. Not wanting to be a worry wart, or hypochondriac I didn't want to alert the media right away. I tried to rest a bit, still not going down. Tried to drink a bunch of water, still not going down. I finally had to call my mom to seek her opinion on the matter. Should I call my doc or not? The verdict was call, just to err on the side of caution. The office then told me to head on down to the hospital, get checked out.
If anyone knows my husband you can imagine the phone call I had to make to him as he was at work.
Me: "Hey babe, how soon will you be done at work?"
Him: "Bout 30-45 mins, why?"
Me: "Well...Not to worry but my blood pressure is pretty high and the doc wants me to go to the hospital sometime soon. But finish what you're doing, then we'll leave whenever you get home."
Him: panicking "Um, what do you need me to do , should I leave now? Let me go tell my boss. (enter boss name here) I um, my wife is I mean her blood pressure is high, we have to go to the..."
Me: "Calm down, please."
Him: "I'm just going to finish up and um I , um we are uh..." insert more panic-panicy panic talk...
Me: "Please just relax, they are probably just going to monitor me and send me home ok, please don't freak out and end up getting in an accident on the way home."
Him: "Ok, I'll be home soon..."
Him not coming home right away gave me time to pack my bags, shower, chill out and get ready to go. I seriously thought that at the very least, they'd watch my BP, send me home and possibly do the section the following day.
I was pretty much calm and collected the entire time. Not really worried because I felt totally fine, normal even. I mean I had had it with being pregnant that was for sure but I didn't actually think that that night I'd be having a baby.
Once we got to the hospital I had to leave my husband in the lobby while they checked me in. The charge nurse was horrible and basically blew me off like I was one of those stupid patients who worries about everything. She told me that I'd have to go to a room and try to "calm down" while they waited for another nurse to be called in and take care of me. Once I was in that room, no one came in and took my BP until the nurse who was called in arrived. The first hour I was there was the most terrible "service" anyone could have ever had. By the time my nurse took my BP, it was 175/101. Pretty dang high, so much for calming down!
Once everything was said and done, my doc decided the best way to cure pre-eclampsia was to just deliver the baby. So that evening we prepared to have our son. Sometime after I had been hooked up to all the monitors and such, I ended up going into labor anyhow, and they had to start me on a drug called magnesium to help control my BP. Now, Mag hurts like hell when it's running through your body and between the IV meds, the BP cuff squeezing the crap out of my arm every 15 mins and contractions, shit hurt real freaking bad! I was pretty miserable! It was a trifecta of horrible-ness I'd not wish on my worst enemy! The time could not come any faster for that spinal block!
Once we actually got to the OR, our surgery was delayed due to a woman having twins in the room next door, au-natural mind you. It was actually pretty cool hearing twins be born, and I for one minuet wanted to have twins myself. Just for one minuet...But the time came and everyone was happy and laughing and having a good time. It was seriously such a positive feeling, I was very pleased at the entire OR team. Much better than my last section.
At 8:34, p.m. Lucas was born. He looks just like his big brother did, but with dark hair and that Italian skin color (Vs my and E's very pale German). He has been great at nursing, great at sleeping and has a very active colon.
 |
| Lucas, April 2, 2012 |
Friday, March 23, 2012
The end is nigh!
I guess I am officially at that point where each time I go out in public there's some a-hole that has some inappropriate thing to say about me.
"You look like you're ready to pop!"
About ready to pop you in the mouth is what I'm about to do!
"Oh it must be any day now for you!"
Actually, I've still got 2.5 weeks to go, are you saying I look fat?? Huh? Huh!!
and my favorite yesterday...
"Is it just one baby or two?"
Eeeeeeffffff you lady!
Here's the real clincher. It's only women (with the exception of one homeless man in a wheel chair asking me for money. Buddy, do I look like I can spare some change?) that keep making these comments. Like, haven't you ever had children? Don't you remember how huge you, or your sister, or your aunt or whomever got? And how freaking miserable she was at the end? Can't you see that while, yes, I am huge, and sweating profusely, and out of breath and just horribly uncomfortable that I do NOT need to hear your "cute" little anecdotes, and I do NOT feel like playing 20 questions with a fetching stranger while standing in line at Target buying socks for my 4 year old and Tums for my shitty heartburn? What is with women? Dudes really just look at me like they need to be as far away form me as possible in case my water breaks or I suddenly clench my stomach in pain so they don't have to play the role of hero or something, and I love them for that! I do not feel like being bombarded just because of my "accessory". I know that when I see a "very" pregnant looking lady, my first instinct isn't to start up a conversation with her, it's a silent prayer that she be done with this torture ASAP! and then I move on with my life. If I wasn't pregnant people generally wouldn't turn around and try to start up a conversation with me in a random place, so why now? Is it because everyone loves babies? Or big 'ol fat pregnant ladies? It's just annoying! And I don't get it!
I do thank the Lord above that I am at the end of the road now. And while it is becoming increasingly difficult to do pretty much anything right now, I just keep counting down the days until my fetus is on the outside of my body. Fully knowing, mind you, that this will pose a whole new set of challenges and bodily discomforts, but for me it still signifies the beginning of the end of my body feeling like crap.
Here are some things I will miss about being pregnant: (and this is a first since I hated everything with E's pregnancy)
Feeling the little guy wiggle around in my tummy when he's hungry (which is often)
Having my husband dote on me constantly ("Hun, can I get you anything?" "Are you feeling ok?" "Yes, I'll bring you a decaf caramel frappachino on my way home.") I'll really miss that one...
The anticipation, it's like being a child counting down the days until Christmas!
Not having to scoop the cat box, or do pretty much any animal related chore.
Not looking like a freak because you are talking to yourself (I was talking to the baby, seriously...)
Pretty much eating a bunch of crap with little to no consequence (I am still > 40 lbs, woot, well for me anyhow...)
Here are some things I am soooo looking forward to after he comes however...
Sleeping (Insomnia sucks! I may not sleep any more but it will be quality over quantity!)
Sleeping on my stomach or back again!
Sleeping on my new mattress with out a huge fetus in my belly! (Even if it is in 30 minute periods)
No more heartburn!
No more swollen feet, ankles, hands and face! (Because no woman looks good with the pregnant face)
I can wear my real wedding rings again, not the fake $20 one we got before we got the real rings.
My shirts will cover my stomach again!
I'll be able to comfortably shave again
Sushi! And real coffee!
High heels!!
While most days I feel bitter and generally pissed off at the world, I am super looking forward to being done with the incubation part. I am sure all of those around me would also agree! (Sorry, hopefully Captain Bitchy Pants will be going away in a few weeks too...) Only 18 days left until Luke's big arrival!!
"You look like you're ready to pop!"
About ready to pop you in the mouth is what I'm about to do!
"Oh it must be any day now for you!"
Actually, I've still got 2.5 weeks to go, are you saying I look fat?? Huh? Huh!!
and my favorite yesterday...
"Is it just one baby or two?"
Eeeeeeffffff you lady!
Here's the real clincher. It's only women (with the exception of one homeless man in a wheel chair asking me for money. Buddy, do I look like I can spare some change?) that keep making these comments. Like, haven't you ever had children? Don't you remember how huge you, or your sister, or your aunt or whomever got? And how freaking miserable she was at the end? Can't you see that while, yes, I am huge, and sweating profusely, and out of breath and just horribly uncomfortable that I do NOT need to hear your "cute" little anecdotes, and I do NOT feel like playing 20 questions with a fetching stranger while standing in line at Target buying socks for my 4 year old and Tums for my shitty heartburn? What is with women? Dudes really just look at me like they need to be as far away form me as possible in case my water breaks or I suddenly clench my stomach in pain so they don't have to play the role of hero or something, and I love them for that! I do not feel like being bombarded just because of my "accessory". I know that when I see a "very" pregnant looking lady, my first instinct isn't to start up a conversation with her, it's a silent prayer that she be done with this torture ASAP! and then I move on with my life. If I wasn't pregnant people generally wouldn't turn around and try to start up a conversation with me in a random place, so why now? Is it because everyone loves babies? Or big 'ol fat pregnant ladies? It's just annoying! And I don't get it!
I do thank the Lord above that I am at the end of the road now. And while it is becoming increasingly difficult to do pretty much anything right now, I just keep counting down the days until my fetus is on the outside of my body. Fully knowing, mind you, that this will pose a whole new set of challenges and bodily discomforts, but for me it still signifies the beginning of the end of my body feeling like crap.
Here are some things I will miss about being pregnant: (and this is a first since I hated everything with E's pregnancy)
Feeling the little guy wiggle around in my tummy when he's hungry (which is often)
Having my husband dote on me constantly ("Hun, can I get you anything?" "Are you feeling ok?" "Yes, I'll bring you a decaf caramel frappachino on my way home.") I'll really miss that one...
The anticipation, it's like being a child counting down the days until Christmas!
Not having to scoop the cat box, or do pretty much any animal related chore.
Not looking like a freak because you are talking to yourself (I was talking to the baby, seriously...)
Pretty much eating a bunch of crap with little to no consequence (I am still > 40 lbs, woot, well for me anyhow...)
Here are some things I am soooo looking forward to after he comes however...
Sleeping (Insomnia sucks! I may not sleep any more but it will be quality over quantity!)
Sleeping on my stomach or back again!
Sleeping on my new mattress with out a huge fetus in my belly! (Even if it is in 30 minute periods)
No more heartburn!
No more swollen feet, ankles, hands and face! (Because no woman looks good with the pregnant face)
I can wear my real wedding rings again, not the fake $20 one we got before we got the real rings.
My shirts will cover my stomach again!
I'll be able to comfortably shave again
Sushi! And real coffee!
High heels!!
While most days I feel bitter and generally pissed off at the world, I am super looking forward to being done with the incubation part. I am sure all of those around me would also agree! (Sorry, hopefully Captain Bitchy Pants will be going away in a few weeks too...) Only 18 days left until Luke's big arrival!!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Four
Last year I wrote this for you. And now I think I'll do it for you every year I can. Right now you are curled up next to me on my bed, sleeping away. I love those moments!
What a change a year can make! I was so sad to let go of my baby last year, but now I am excited for 4! I am so excited to see you learn and grow so much more! This year has been the hardest ever as your mom! You do not make life easy that's for sure! But you still make my life worth living, every. single. day. You have proven how dang smart you are, even though we held you back from pre-school this year, you've managed to defy us and learn every single thing you possibly can, from spelling, to writing, to math. And you have made dang sure that mom knows that you will do what you want, when you want to do it, (as potty training has been a constant battle of "don't tell me what to do.") I have learned that I can't control you no matter how hard I try,and that I have to let you be you on your terms, not mine, therefore, you are exactly like me, and as everyone knows, I am hard to deal with too! But I so admire that spirit and spunk in you, after I quit fuming over the power struggles we face, your tenacity is so applaudable! Good for you for knowing (at 3 for that matter) exactly what you want in life! Please, please, never lose that!
I can't wait to see just how much more you will learn and grow once you hit that big 4! Each day you stun me with something new, be it something you say or something you do, you are always full of surprises. Sometimes they are awesome, like you spelling m-o-m, the first word you learned how to read, write, and spell. To the time you were so mad at me you told me "I don't love you, Daddy doesn't love you, and Jesus doesn't love you!" because I put your butt in time-out. Part of me wanted to cry, and part of me wanted to laugh, but ultimately you got spanked for having a smart mouth. I wasn't expecting to hear that until you were about 13 or so! Always a surprise with you kid! But you are never stingy with telling me how much you love me, or with giving me hugs, kisses, and cuddles. I wish that you'll never grow out of that, but I brace myself for the day it's no longer cool for you to do so. Please never forget to tell me, or anyone for that matter, just how much you love them and I promise to do the same. Remember our days are numbered and loving others is the best gift you can ever give to yourself! (and everyone likes being loved as well!)
I love how much your relationship with God has grown this year. It's so awesome to hear my little boy say his prayers at night, and that you get excited to go to church on Sunday. I love how you can look at things and know that God created everything. Nothing could please me more than to see you grow in faith! It's going to be the most important thing in your life forever and I also hope you never forget that you have a "heavenly" father who loves you so much and will always be there for you in good times and bad. I hope that Dad and I can be good examples of faith too. I hope you see all that we have been through in our lives and know that we never gave up our hope that God will (and does) always see us through!
Always remember that you are smart, kind and of course, loved so much by your family! Always remember that YOU are my favorite thing in the world and that will never change! Happy birthday my big 4 year old boy!
What a change a year can make! I was so sad to let go of my baby last year, but now I am excited for 4! I am so excited to see you learn and grow so much more! This year has been the hardest ever as your mom! You do not make life easy that's for sure! But you still make my life worth living, every. single. day. You have proven how dang smart you are, even though we held you back from pre-school this year, you've managed to defy us and learn every single thing you possibly can, from spelling, to writing, to math. And you have made dang sure that mom knows that you will do what you want, when you want to do it, (as potty training has been a constant battle of "don't tell me what to do.") I have learned that I can't control you no matter how hard I try,and that I have to let you be you on your terms, not mine, therefore, you are exactly like me, and as everyone knows, I am hard to deal with too! But I so admire that spirit and spunk in you, after I quit fuming over the power struggles we face, your tenacity is so applaudable! Good for you for knowing (at 3 for that matter) exactly what you want in life! Please, please, never lose that!
I can't wait to see just how much more you will learn and grow once you hit that big 4! Each day you stun me with something new, be it something you say or something you do, you are always full of surprises. Sometimes they are awesome, like you spelling m-o-m, the first word you learned how to read, write, and spell. To the time you were so mad at me you told me "I don't love you, Daddy doesn't love you, and Jesus doesn't love you!" because I put your butt in time-out. Part of me wanted to cry, and part of me wanted to laugh, but ultimately you got spanked for having a smart mouth. I wasn't expecting to hear that until you were about 13 or so! Always a surprise with you kid! But you are never stingy with telling me how much you love me, or with giving me hugs, kisses, and cuddles. I wish that you'll never grow out of that, but I brace myself for the day it's no longer cool for you to do so. Please never forget to tell me, or anyone for that matter, just how much you love them and I promise to do the same. Remember our days are numbered and loving others is the best gift you can ever give to yourself! (and everyone likes being loved as well!)
I love how much your relationship with God has grown this year. It's so awesome to hear my little boy say his prayers at night, and that you get excited to go to church on Sunday. I love how you can look at things and know that God created everything. Nothing could please me more than to see you grow in faith! It's going to be the most important thing in your life forever and I also hope you never forget that you have a "heavenly" father who loves you so much and will always be there for you in good times and bad. I hope that Dad and I can be good examples of faith too. I hope you see all that we have been through in our lives and know that we never gave up our hope that God will (and does) always see us through!
Always remember that you are smart, kind and of course, loved so much by your family! Always remember that YOU are my favorite thing in the world and that will never change! Happy birthday my big 4 year old boy!
Friday, March 9, 2012
On being prepared
The curtains are closed, but behind them, the stage is set for the show that's about to start. The bags are (almost) packed, stacks if diapers and boxes of wipes are stuffed in whatever space we can find, the play-yard sits at the ready, changing table set, baby clothes washed and ready for the tiny body that's going to adorn them. Everything just waiting, frozen in time for now. Like actors, we have rehearsed all our parts and know them well, we've prepared for this show for almost nine months now. And now the curtain is about to open, the show about to begin. Life about to change. Life about to begin.
I've felt for a while now that just because we have a set c-section date does not mean that we won't go into labor before then. In fact, I feel pretty certain that we will be early. So for the last few months I've had a profound need to have everything set and in order for whenever that moment may arrive. I never went into labor with E, and I have no idea what it's going to be like. I suppose the Braxton Hicks contractions I've had the last six weeks have been prepping me for that, demonstrating to me what my body is going to feel like when it's time to take the stage. And just like I would feel before a show, I am nervous. What if I forget my lines? What if I forget my blocking? What if I miss my cue? These were the things that once gave me the jitters before any show, now they sound more like What if Chris is at work? What if I don't really know I am in labor? What if we get to the hospital too late for the surgery? And like every other performance I've ever been in, I know that once I get myself out onto that stage I'll be fine. Everything that we've rehearsed the last few months will kick in and send me on auto pilot and I'll nail it.
But for now, we wait in the wings. Waiting for that "curtain" call. And we're ready.
I've felt for a while now that just because we have a set c-section date does not mean that we won't go into labor before then. In fact, I feel pretty certain that we will be early. So for the last few months I've had a profound need to have everything set and in order for whenever that moment may arrive. I never went into labor with E, and I have no idea what it's going to be like. I suppose the Braxton Hicks contractions I've had the last six weeks have been prepping me for that, demonstrating to me what my body is going to feel like when it's time to take the stage. And just like I would feel before a show, I am nervous. What if I forget my lines? What if I forget my blocking? What if I miss my cue? These were the things that once gave me the jitters before any show, now they sound more like What if Chris is at work? What if I don't really know I am in labor? What if we get to the hospital too late for the surgery? And like every other performance I've ever been in, I know that once I get myself out onto that stage I'll be fine. Everything that we've rehearsed the last few months will kick in and send me on auto pilot and I'll nail it.
But for now, we wait in the wings. Waiting for that "curtain" call. And we're ready.
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