Friday, March 23, 2012

The end is nigh!

I guess I am officially at that point where each time I go out in public there's some  a-hole that has some inappropriate thing to say about me.
"You look like you're ready to pop!"
 About ready to pop you in the mouth is what I'm about to do!
"Oh it must be any day now for you!"
Actually, I've still got 2.5 weeks to go, are you saying I look fat?? Huh? Huh!!
and my favorite yesterday...
"Is it just one baby or two?"
Eeeeeeffffff you lady!
Here's the real clincher. It's only women (with the exception of one homeless man in a wheel chair asking me for money. Buddy, do I look like I can spare some change?) that keep making these comments.  Like, haven't you ever had children? Don't you remember how huge you, or your sister, or your aunt or whomever got? And how freaking miserable she was at the end? Can't you see that while, yes, I am huge, and sweating profusely, and out of breath and just horribly uncomfortable that I do NOT need to hear your "cute" little anecdotes, and I do NOT feel like playing 20 questions with a fetching stranger while standing in line at Target buying socks for my 4 year old and Tums for my shitty heartburn? What is with women? Dudes really just look at me like they need to be as far away form me as possible in case my water breaks or I suddenly clench my stomach in pain so they don't have to play the role of hero or something, and I love them for that! I do not feel like being bombarded just because of my "accessory". I know that when I see a "very" pregnant looking lady, my first instinct isn't to start up a conversation with her, it's a silent prayer that she be done with this torture ASAP! and then I move on with my life. If I wasn't pregnant people generally wouldn't turn around and try to start up a conversation with me in a random place, so why now? Is it because everyone loves babies? Or big 'ol fat pregnant ladies? It's just annoying! And I don't get it!

I do thank the Lord above that I am at the end of the road now.  And while it is becoming increasingly difficult to do pretty much anything right now, I just keep counting down the days until my fetus is on the outside of my body.  Fully knowing, mind you, that this will pose a whole new set of challenges and bodily discomforts, but for me it still signifies the beginning of the end of my body feeling like crap.

Here are some things I will miss about being pregnant: (and this is a first since I hated everything with E's pregnancy)
Feeling the little guy wiggle around in my tummy when he's hungry (which is often)
Having my husband dote on me constantly ("Hun, can I get you anything?" "Are you feeling ok?" "Yes, I'll bring you a decaf caramel frappachino on my way home.") I'll really miss that one...
The anticipation, it's like being a child counting down the days until Christmas!
Not having to scoop the cat box, or do pretty much any animal related chore.
Not looking like a freak because you are talking to yourself (I was talking to the baby, seriously...)
Pretty much eating a bunch of crap with little to no consequence (I am still > 40 lbs, woot, well for me anyhow...)

Here are some things I am soooo looking forward to after he comes however...
Sleeping (Insomnia sucks! I may not sleep any more but it will be quality over quantity!)
Sleeping on my stomach or back again!
Sleeping on my new mattress with out a huge fetus in my belly! (Even if it is in 30 minute periods)
No more heartburn!
No more swollen feet, ankles, hands and face! (Because no woman looks good with the pregnant face)
I can wear my real wedding rings again, not the fake $20 one we got before we got the real rings.
My shirts will cover my stomach again!
I'll be able to comfortably shave again
Sushi! And real coffee!
High heels!!

While most days I feel bitter and generally pissed off at the world, I am super looking forward to being done with the incubation part.  I am sure all of those around me would also agree! (Sorry, hopefully Captain Bitchy Pants will be going away in a few weeks too...) Only 18 days left until Luke's big arrival!!

1 comment:

  1. a) I love you so hard! I miss your wit. I really do.

    b) people are assholes. they think that if you have a baby, your body isn't yours anymore. I've clearly never been knocked up and I know how rude that is.

    c) don't worry. I talk to myself all the time. embrace the crazy! and sometimes I talk to myself but no sounds come out. yeah, that's embarassing.

    d) did I mention I love you! I am so excited for this second baby and I wish I could be there.