Wednesday, March 16, 2011


March 18th 2008. I never got to go into labor. You started to lose oxygen and had to be cut out of me. I didn't get to hold you right away. In fact it was a few hours later. But I already knew how much I loved you.

We had been through a lot in those 9 months.  Trip to the ER, a move, you wanting Mc Donalds sausage mcmuffins with egg all the time...(maybe that was me...) You kicked me constantly, got the most annoying hiccups sometimes as much as 7 times a day, and made my life miserable during your "incubation" phase.  But I still knew how much I loved you.

You changed my world for the better. Even though you are truly a little devil, you are also mommy's angel. My purpose in life had changed, it was no longer about me or about Daddy. Everything I've done, no matter how unpleasant, has been for your benefit. There were weeks when it was so rough dad and I were eating nothing but top ramen so you could eat the good stuff.  There will never be a day where you go hungry, where you ever feel or notice the struggle that Dad and I face sometimes.  I'll do everything I can to make sure you have everything you need. Always. I would walk through the fires of hell for you child. I hope you know that.

I was so happy on your 1st birthday. My baby growing up! I was so excited to see all the new things you'd be learning and exploring. All sorts of new possibilities opening up for you everyday. Then that year flew by and you turned 2.

Your little personality made a huge appearance and caused my world chaos.  I cried the day 2 rolled around, now it's going by too fast. I want time to slow down, to savor the sweetness of your last days in baby-hood. To hold you too tightly and not want to let go, but to also learn to let you grow up and let you learn on your own. You are so my child in looks as well as mannerisms. You can make my life so rough some days, but everyday you make my life worth living!

And now, 3. Ya, I'm still crying. The last traces of baby are gone. You are a little boy. A little boy who loves cars and trains and cuddles with mommy under the covers. Who giggles at farts, who loves ghost movies and shows, who only wants to eat junk food despite mom's best efforts, who also loves video games despite mom's best efforts.  A little boy with a sense of adventure, who isn't afraid of anything (mom has enough fear for two anyhow) who will try it all once, maybe even twice (unless it's vegetables!) You are all things wonderful and all things fiery, feisty and full of life. Hot tempered, a bit spoiled, and 100% lovable. I love you little man. And even though it's so hard to let go of my baby, I am looking forward to the time I have with this wonderful little boy. Je t'aime toujours mon petite. Tu est mon reason d'existance, variment. *

*hopefully the French is correct, I mean it's been years. I speak French way better than I spell French...


  1. I won't correct your French, mon amie. this was lovely. really. I had tears. 3? how the hell did that happen?

  2. I LOVE this post! My own son is almost 1 and this first year went by so fast! Your son is beautiful and your blog is beautifully written!