It seems the instant you become pregnant everyone is filling your head with 'ideas' on how you should raise your child. Some of the info is generally helpful, while for the most part, much of it can be down right condescending. I mean, when it comes right down to it, don't you, the parent, know what's best for your child? I'm pretty sure I've done my fair share of what other people may think are parenting no-no's. For instance, I spank my son. Some people think that is totally barbaric! How could you? Gasp, call CPS, this bitch is crazy and beating her child! When honestly, what difference does it make? It is my and my husband's decision to choose how to discipline, feed, nurture, praise, and grow our children into the adults we think they should be. No one else has any say in that.
So why then do we all as moms feel the need to tell each other, be it subtly or not so subtly, that what your doing is wrong? What is with the mompetition?
What is with this need to feel like other moms suck at child raising? And that you are indeed "winning" at this parenting thing? The need to judge how other moms choose to raise their children is overwhelming! Do we do this because we really feel like total parenting failures most of the time? And if we see Sally Soandso doing something downright atrocious, does it make you feel better about you and your own shortcomings?
Maybe it just falls into women being uber competitive with each other even before children come in the picture. Suzie has more friends than Jenny, Tasha has bigger boobs than Evie, Megan married a lawyer while Christy married a plumber, etc. From the beginning it seems that women are hardwired to compete against each other in this strange contest. Does anyone know why? I sure as heck don't! But it seems to make sense. And while Evie may never have bigger boobs than Tasha, she can gloat in her mind that she is a much better mom because she only feeds her children organic food while Tasha is the fast food queen! Do you sleep better at night Evie? Probably not.
You would think that as moms we would be coming together, sharing horror stories and bonding over a lack of sleep when it really gets down to that fake smile, ass out hug, and air kisses everytime you see another mom you know, then you go talk shit to your husband about the fact that she lets her kids drink soda! You know dudes don't do this stuff. Can you imagine your husband in this conversation with his buddies:
"Oh my gosh Paul, you will never guess who was at the playground today texting away on his iphone while his kid ate fist fulls of dirt!"
"Who, was it Norm?"
"Yes! Can you believe that guy? I mean, put the phone down and watch your kid!"
"Ugh, seriously! That guy is so father of the year!"
Ha ha, right? But you know you've probably had a conversation similar to that with your girlfriends. (again, don't lie to yourself, we all do it, this is a safe place where no one is judging you...) Maybe we just shouldn't care about those things. I mean, it's not your kid who is eating dirt, or wearing disposable diapers, or who is formula fed, or who is still not potty trained, and on and on and on, so why do you care? You don't have to deal with it? And every mom knows that when you get home, your little angel isn't such an angel after all. Some days kids suck! Being a parent is hard and no one is blissful and happy after you have children! Sorry, they are hard work! I always say (post child) that being a parent is the hardest but most rewarding job I've ever had. Why would we even think about being better than the next gal? Honestly, if your kid grows up and doesn't go on wild killing sprees, doesn't get robbed by a hooker, has some sort of job, and doesn't end up in rehab 178 times you've probably done a pretty dang good job, despite all the hater-mom's opinions out there. So next time you catch yourself starting to judge someone over their parenting choices, stop and think about why. Maybe we can put an end to this garbage!