Friday, January 27, 2012

Hurry up and slow down...and other random thoughts

I think that most women, while pregnant, feel as though those 9 months go by excruciatingly slow. I can't exactly say that I feel that way.  I look back and wonder where the last 6.5 months went. I seriously feel so unprepared, like he's going to be here tomorrow and I've got so much yet to do. I was looking for baby mittens at Target a few weeks ago, because we didn't register for any clothes for Lucas and I really felt like I needed to have those mittens rightnow. The one Target I went to must have been re-doing all the baby stuff they had because not only could I not find the damn mittens, but I couldn't find any other infant items (onsies, socks, hats, etc,) as well, and you wouldn't believe the panic that set in because of the damn lack of mittens.  It was like my whole world was going to collapse, like I was going to be officially branded 'asshole mother of the year' because I had 3.5 moths left in my pregnancy and no mittens to show for it. Today, Target did have the baby mittens and I carried them around in my cart the entire time I was in the store, having some relief that I had acquired the wondrous mittens! By the time we were finished I put them back. Like I really need to have mittens right this minuet? I've got 10 weeks left and a pretty limited budget. I think that it's ok to wait a few more weeks for mittens. But that crazy panic sets in every once and a while! I am going to have another baby in a very short amount of time!

 Today my nesting took a toll on my truck, my poor, filthy truck.  We have had the family truckster for about 2.5 years and it has really taken a beating in that time.  No one ever tells you that once you have a child you will never have a clean car again.  I cleaned up paint from E's art classes, soda and food stains from my dear husband, who takes his lunches at work in his car, and trash from months ago. I also tackled stains of questionable nature on the seats (which thus far have defeated even my cleaning abilities,  but I will win damn it!), dust and dirt and grim from years of kids and husband, and I vacuumed about a half ton of gunk off the floor.  That puppy sparkles now like a brand new penny, and 20 bucks says my husband won't even notice. It will look like a dumpster again by tomorrow. Sigh.

Why do you never have a camera handy when you need one? Today the boy was playing with the cat on our bed and the image of my son cradling this giant cat who happens to be about as long as E is tall, was completely priceless. But alas, camera and cell phone were safely tucked away in my purse on the kitchen counter. Boo.

Yesterday my best friend and I took a random trip to Disneyland with our kids.  It's really funny because we both used to go together all the dang time. If you have ever spent time with the two of us you know we have random inside jokes about pretty much everything, and Disney spares no expense.  It really makes life come full circle in a way knowing that here we are (or were for that matter) at this place that still hold so much magic for the two of us, with our children.  Of course I am hugely pregnant and she has a 4 month old so you can imagine how productive our trip was.  Especially getting two huge strollers on and off the tram, while my son was sleeping. Holding a 35 lbs toddler while 6.5 months pregnant is not something I wish to do again anytime soon. But we had fun and I look forward to when the kids are older and we can all go together again (preferably with husbands so they can do the heavy lifting!). Perhaps one day we will be going with our grandkids too!

So I only have 10 weeks left of pregnancy torture and I can tell you I am pretty stoked about that! I'll be really glad to sleep on my back and stomach again, even if I only get to do so for 30 minuet stretches! I am eager to see what this little boy is going to look like, and get to know who he is going to be. And everywhere I go I'll see an adorable little baby and I just want to stick him in my purse and run away. But I refrain from craziness knowing my own little one will be here so soon! And jail is no place to give birth, so I have heard...But I am feeling alright, I have my ups and downs. Some days I feel like I'm still in my first trimester and I want to vomit at everything I see or smell, and some days I feel like I'm not even pregnant. Most days I'm tired, cranky, and hungry. It's like a wonderful surprise each morning when I wake up! Just how shitty will I feel today!?

**And just a little side note here about my profound love (not) of being pregnant:
I understand that there may be readers here who are trying to have children or who wish they had a family or whatever the circumstance, and my complaining about being pregnant is in no way meant to highlight the struggles and frustrations some people may feel when they read about so and so bitching about her pregnancy. I have felt that way a time or two myself. As you may recall, getting pregnant this time around was an extremely difficult and heartbreaking process for my husband and me, and there was a time I felt like I'd probably cut a bitch for talking about having morning sickness and whatnot, but now that I am here, I realize, as well as most women on this wacky roller coaster, that pregnancy sucks. But my complete hatred of pregnancy doesn't make me any less of a good parent, and it doesn't make me resent my children and it is in no way keeping me from trying again for a third child. Best way to put it? Imagine having the flu for nine months, and tell me you wouldn't bitch about that yourself? Right. And if it still bugs you that much, stop reading.

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