Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Holidays and the epic husband fail

Valentine's day is supposed to be one of those holidays that you love when you are in a relationship. It's a day for your S.O. to show you their love and appreciation, by sometimes giving jewelry, flowers, or candy. A time for a loved one to feel validated, worthy, and, well, loved!

Now, flashy gifts aren't always what your lover may be looking for, but it is very nice to know just how loved you are. Sometimes it is just a simple homemade card or breakfast in bed that really shows your lover how much you really do care. All in all, it really requires little effort, minimal, if any cash at all, and just a touch of thoughtfulness to do something special, be it big or small.

That doesn't happen for me. Like ever. Ok, maybe my husband has done something one or two years for V-day in the entire 10 years we've been together, but it was pretty damned forced, and many MAJOR hints were dropped that if he didn't he'd surely be in the dog house for the rest of the year. But other than that, he absolutely lacks the capacity for any sort of romantic gesture. You see for him, Valentine's day is pretty much all about getting physical. This sort of thing may have been acceptable before we got married, but now he pretty much relys on the fact that he should be getting lucky at least twice this month (his birthday is also this month) and therefore puts no thought or effort into any sort of gift, romantic gesture, or food product. It is very disappointing being me every Valentine's day.

Now, my husband is a very lucky man.  Not a single holiday goes by that he isn't reminded just how much his wifey truly loves him.  Even on the holidays where we have zero cash to spend on each other I still always put some sort of thought into doing something extra special for him, like a note in his lunch, handmade cards, baking various delicious treats, or when I can, buying him something he wants or needs. Every holiday. But him? He never puts much thought or effort into any holiday at all. My birthday? "Sorry, we had no money." Mother's day "But you monitor the bank account like a hawk." Our anniversary "Oh, that's today?" Christmas "Here's a gift card to coldstones!" (I really don't even like ice cream). It's lame. Every holiday I come up empty handed, and always there are about 20 lame excuses as to why he didn't do anything for me.

So not only do I hate valentines day, but pretty much any holiday where under normal conditions, the ones you love do something special for you. Because I know my husband will fail on the most epic level possible. Is is possible that he clearly just completely lacks the imagination? I mean, my dad even does stuff for my mom and he's pretty un-motivated to do damn near anything at all most days! So I kind of don't buy into that bull. 

Now, he does on occasion get me gifts, as in this last Christmas, 2010, he did buy me the Tiffany necklace, but I'll tell you right now, I suggested quite heavily that he should get it for me. I even gave him the money, took him to the store and showed him which one it was, and made sure he got off his ass and got it for me. Which means I pretty much bought it for myself and he took the credit for it. That is the extent of his gift giving, I have to meticulously plan it ahead of time and then I know exactly what I am getting and when. Again, lamesauce! The man can't even take a hint.

 I've learned over the years that I must have extremely low expectations from this guy, therefore any little tiny thing he does do for me will come as a complete shock, I mean, I 'd be fucking floored if he actually paid attention to something I said and got it for me! (See, I even used the F word to prove how truly amazed I'd be) Because this guy is just not romantic at. all. And I live with it, always dreaming for just a tiny bit of creativity, but knowing that he is who he is and that I love him anyway. This is the man I chose to spend my eternity with, and I'll tell you it was not because he was a hopeless romantic.  Maybe someday he'll get the hint, but I won't hold my breath!

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