Monday, October 4, 2010

How are babies made?

No seriously.

Getting pregnant the first time was so easy.  I got off the pill, thinking I'd have a good three months for the hormones and shit to leave my system and BAM! One month later I'm knocked up. I didn't have to do a thing. (well....)

But this time around? When we are actively trying to have a child? I am consulting every resource known. Calculating the exact moments of menstruation to ovulation to conception. Re- examining how the whole female cycle works (do you ovulate 14 days after your period and or 14 days from the start?) Re-visiting old health class lessons on how a baby is made. Because when you are trying to have a baby, this shit is a matter of science!

I think that I am driving my husband crazy here. Yesterday I bought a set of ovulation testing kits and he looked at me, with a tiny shred of fear in his face and said,  "really?"
Two days earlier I told him, after aunt flo leaves, we're copulating every day until I get pregnant or the next visit commences or I WILL divorce you!

Clearly obsessed.

And not only having a baby in general, oh no. But a female child at that.

Oh yes, I have done some homework here too. Chinese lunar calendar, the "girl" diet (high in Magnesium and Calcium) (mmmm, pumpkin is high in magnesium), different positions conducive to having a girl.

I even know the intimate ins and outs of the female swimmers.  Did you know that they are slower than the male swimmers, but stronger and therefore live longer? Hmmm?

See? Bat shit fucking McCrazy sauce right here!

My husband, who's sex drive has suddenly plummeted a little, is terrified. But he should know that when I want something, it's going to take hell's army to try and stop me!

My calender is full of "test for ovulation here" and "estimated period arrival" and "test for HcG (pregnancy hormone) here." Because I really don't know how exactly to have a baby. But I'll be damned if I do not get knocked up this month!


  1. oh sweetie.

    just buy some new lingerie and do some sexy dancing for the man. you'll be knocked up in no time.

  2. You crack me up!! Though...when we were thinking about having another one really close to Chase...I was totally doing research on how to get pregnant with a girl. There are books...and I read A LOT them. Congrats on trying! I think I only want the one though...which is depressing Chuck.

  3. Awww, just one C? I swore after E was born I'd only have him, then everyone around me started having babies. Now I'm broken!

    Andy, there is still some hope for Chris yet, he has not completely lost his drive, but then again, it's only day two of post aunt flo...

  4. Both times, I got pregnant before I had truly wrapped my mind around the notion of getting pregnant. First month, both times.

    Turns out I was right to have been slightly (very) obsessive about birth control in all the months leading up to those two pregnancies. I am way fertile, apparently.


    But if that hadn't been the case? I know it would have been hard to relax and just wait for things to happen. On that note . . . you read Nichole's post about trying to get pregnant, correct? Oh my god, I laughed so hard.

    I know you know Nichole.

    You have to find that post.

    Hee hee!

    There was a microscope involved.

    I . . . am . . . dying.

    But back to you?

    You'll be fine.


    Have fun.

    And yes . . . If someone had ever said those words to me? I would have wanted to slap them. But luckily?

    I am all invisible.

    Plus also?

    I am right.

    Big love to you.

  5. Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Tells you everything you thought you know but, like, don't really. Seriously. It answers every and all. Also? Two of my kids - and about 5 others, as I passed it around - were conceived used a clear blue fertility monitor. It's a little unit that you put your pee sticks in and it reads them, then tells you exactly when you're fertile.

    That's all I got.

  6. glad you stopped by. Yes I read Nichole's post about baby making! I'm not quite at that point!
    Cheryl.... I'll have to look into that book! If I don't get knocked up this month!

  7. wanna know what worked for me? drunk sex. drunk sex ALWAYS leads to a baby.

    good luck mama!