Bitter, party of one

Hey fans, just thought I'd take a cue from my bestie Andygirl and start a random thoughts series.  Hell, there's always a ton of random bullshit floating around in the old noggin here! Might as well put it down on paper? Computer? Internet? Whatever....

***
I am proud to announce that after 7 days of not being able to taste a GD thing, my sense of taste has returned to normal.  I ended up getting the sickness from the child, which figures because anytime he gets sick, I get sick also. My husband hardly ever gets it, and if he does it lasts for a day or 2, jerk...But this cold started in my chest, rendering me unable to breath with out serious steroid intervention (thank the good Lord I already had all the asthma stuff) then its evil little seed moved to a nasty sinus infection rendering all of my senses dulled.  Couldn't hear worth a shit, couldn't smell, couldn't see, couldn't taste. That one was the worst.  I mean, talk about fat girl torture! You'd think that I would have lost weight during these 7 days of non-tasting, but no, I was bound and determined to try and taste anything at all possible, and it was my birthday week last week, so hell to the no was I going to sit out on a week of decadent eating! But like a nasty hang over, I can feel its effects but I can't remember shit. I blame Satan, that SOB! Who else would be behind such trickery?

***
As said above, since I have moved back to the good ol CA, things haven't gone so well as far as my diet program is concerned.  I had lost a total of 17 lbs when I moved and since have gained...gulp...7 back. What is it with the number 7? I have not been working out (at all) and have been behaving in the most gluttonous fashion imagined (birthday, hello!) and the results of fast food, junk, and stress have brought back 7 big ones.  Not to worry my pets, Betty is going to be working hard the next 2 weeks and you can bet your bottom dollar that those nasty 7 lbs will be gone by....(consulting calender)...May uno. Yup, we started the C25K program again today, for the third (and final) time. For those of you who don't know, I have a love, hate relationship with running. But we are currently flirting again, and I hope this evolves into a steamy affair! Grrrr!

***
So my sister-in-law Amy has lost 30 lbs by eating better and walking every day, and I am really jealous.  I was supposed to have lost 30 as mentioned here (for those of you behind or who just don't remember, you've a lot of reading to do huh?) by now also, but as mentioned above I failed, hard.  But I am so excited for her, she's doing awesome and has become my inspiration! She is doing things the right way and I just wanted to give her her kudos where they are due! Snaps for Amy y'all!

***
Operation procreation has also resumed at casa West. After taking a 3 month reprieve to lose a few lbs and move and de-stress our lives we have resumed baby making. I'm not putting any pressure (you're thinking ya right aren't you?) on it at all, since I am still trying to shed lbs, but I am taking a much different approach than before.  We tried for 4 months with no success, took a break for 3, and I will probably keep a cycle similar to that, until Dec, when if we haven't conceived yet, we look into our other options (adoption).  I will not put my body through IVF or any medication, if we can't get pregnant naturally, it's not meant to be and I'm not going to force my body to do something it's not able to do. I have a beautiful child from my own womb and that is great, and I will give him brothers and sisters any way I can! Damn it! Although I will add, if we have a girl, both my sister and my bank accounts are in trouble! Serious trouble!

***
Potty training at casa West is going much better TYVM! Thanks to all of my faithful readers and friends for your advice, and while we are still struggling with pooping on the potty, he's a champ now at peeing on the potty...No accidents!!!!. But he's grasping the concept better than ever before and I know in the near future there will be poop success! Can I just say, you guys rock lobster? It's because of your clever advice that we have been able to make the progress we have!

I think I have exhausted my brain for a while, now I should be able to resume normal function, temporarily...snicker...But I leave you with the family photo from my white trash b-day party, yes, this is going in the Christmas card this year...



Lord, I love my family!



Bored Housewife

Remember when I said I wanted to be a kept woman? Well I have spent the last 3 weeks being just such. As we financially have no need for me to work until the end of next month I have been, well, taking my sweet ass time looking for a job. And I am officially bored to tears.

Now I did this when E was first born, I stayed at home for his entire first year of life and loved it. Somehow I found a way to fill my day and feel useful. Something about raising an infant takes more time than raising a toddler. The toddler is more independent, he does not require me to supervise him constantly, unlike the infant who pretty much needs constant care. However, the infant does sleep for vast parts of the day, so how did I make this work before?

Or was it that I was in my own house then, vs. living with my sister this time. The house isn't mine, I can't decorate it ( I mean, I can, my sister and I have similar tastes and she has been most gracious in letting us stay here.) I can't arrange and re-arrange furniture, etc.  Not that I did that in my own house before, but it just feels as though I have nothing to do around here.

Maybe it's just that we are making significantly less money than we were and therefore I must *gasp* conserve our precious funds.  I can't really leave the house and go out about town, because incase y'all haven't noticed, gas is M-Fing expensive! And where would I go? Because anyone who has ever had a 3 year old knows it isn't easy trudging an anxious little busy-body around the mall for hours. That's a stressful situation, and stress makes you fat! True story.

So I am left with a handful of options here; a) let the husband get a second job, therefore increasing our funds,  but minimizing our time to procreate and other, b) just have the hub get a better job in general so our funds will improve anyhow and therefore open windows of opportunity of potential outings and still leave ample time for grown up activity, or the final and most logical option for my sanity, c) I get part time work, just 3 days a week, at least until school starts this summer.

I really would like the hub to get a better job, but I need to be outside the home (for now) doing something that I feel is meaningful. It's going to take a while for me to jump through the hoops Cali has set up as far as obtaining my phlebotomy license so in the meantime I plan on throwing myself into finding something to do outside the house that warrants a paycheck until I am able to raise the funds to get my license. (We will be holding a carwash next weekend for those interested in donating) *kidding, maybe*

I don't know how or where I lost my SAHM mojo, and I really, really hope to regain some of that spark someday. Who knows, maybe after baby #2 comes along I'll want to hang up my working mommy clothes and don the super mommy cape once more. But until then look for me at your nearest retailer! Just kidding, retail, ick....

The Tao of E's Potty Training

When he was about 15 months old, E started showing some curiosity as to what Daddy and I were doing in the bathroom, so we decided that since he was still a bit young we wouldn't "formally" start training him until he was 2. Around that time we went out browsing for the perfect potty chair for our little man. We put a lot of thought into the potty itself, not wanting it to be too busy, or else he'd only want to play with it, not do the doo, if you will.  But we also didn't want it to be too boring. So we chose one that we felt was juts right. Not too many frills, but enough dazzle to make it fun. At first, he was slightly terrified of the thing, then he began dragging it around the house, using it to watch T.V. and even sitting on it in the bathroom with us, but hes till wasn't quite ready to take the plunge.

 We went out searching for books as well, looking for any possible edge on this whole potty training thing, determined that the 3 of us were going to nail toilet training in record time. The kid loves to read and I spoil him rotten with literature (the best and only kind of spoiling a child should get IMHO!) We were pretty choosy about his books too. Some talked down to the child, telling them that we wee-wee and make poopies on the potty. No, no, no....we don't wee-wee or make poopies, we pee and poop. I could only find 2 books that weren't really ridiculous. Or were not made for girls. And he was really into the books, we used them as tools at the potty, reading them and showing him examples, and also leaving them by the potty for him to check out while he's sitting and trying to do his thing. At first he seemed to be pretty much on board. At first...

For a while E was regularly sitting on the potty and going pee, when we put him on the potty anyhow.  He never took the initiative, but we figured it was part of the learning process, having never done this before. Then we upped the anty, and made a huge potty chart including multiple kinds of reward stickers for various behaviors, (small stickers for sitting on the potty, big stickers for peeing, and a huge fanfare with confetti and balloons for a poop) **kidding on that last part! Little man seemed to be cool with this as well, but still, it was us pushing him to sit on the potty, us asking him if he wanted to earn a sticker, ect.

Pretty soon we started trying a different method, not getting the immediate results we wanted. We put the kid in big boy undies and put him on the pot every few mins.  This resulted in a lot of pee and poop messes. The boy could have cared less if he was sitting in his own piss and shit, he just kept on playing.  Several people, including my mom, told me that boys were just harder to potty train. But at this point it was getting exhausting! Not long after the underwear trick, he started refusing. Refusing to wear the underwear, refusing to sit on the potty, nothing. We hit a wall. Since he enjoyed being naked, we would just leave him Peter Pants-less, figuring, maybe being naked would prompt him to go sit on the potty.  That was short lived as the mess left behind was, as I'm sure you can imagine, horrible.

So here we are approaching the child's 3rd b-day and potty training was pretty much at a stand still.  Every once and a while the exhausted potty training duo (the Hub and I ) would bribe the boy to pee on the potty with candy, the boy's favorite thing, and something that is pretty much forbidden in casa West. But those attempts never got very far, so we quit. Obviously, he just wasn't ready. We will wait until after his 3rd birthday and try again.

...

...

...

...

He just turned 3 last month, for those readers who are a tid bit behind, and we have just recently resumed potty training. And guess what... We are getting the same results as before. We skipped all the other bull shit and went straight to bribing the little non-conformist right off the bat. And so far, I've had to throw away a pair of pants because senor pooped in them and decided he didn't like that and tried to remove the poop himself (being a parent is soooo glamorous isn't it?) We have been at it for...3 days and I AM READY TO QUIT! There have been more tears shed in the last 3 days than all the other attempts at potty training total, most of them mine. I'm guessing that we won't be sending him off to Harvard in pull-ups but damn! This potty training business is certainly not for the weak at heart! I've truly spent a fortune on pull ups and and really ready to say the hell with it, but we live with my sister, and while I know she's not keeping the carpet, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want her nephew pissing and shitting all over it.

So I guess the moral of this tale is...HELP! Anyone have any pointers, advice, words of wisdom, encouragement, or horror stories (preferably with a happy ending) to share with me? Because this momma is throwing the towel in on potty training!!!!

Kindergarten

I didn't want stitches. I had seen my little brother get them several times. It didn't look pretty, or fun.  So I sat in the doctors office screaming bloody murder that I. Would. Not. Have. Stitches.

The way I remember it, we were lining up to go to recess. The front of the room was lined with counters, flanking the door in and out of the classroom. I was proudly named line leader for the day, which when in kindergarten, is kind of  a big deal.  We were getting settled in line when things in the back got rowdy. Like a row of dominoes, each child pushed the one in front, until it hit the line leader. I was pushed and knocked off balance by Tony Henry, and splat, my forehead was introduced in the most  personal way to the corner of the counter. That place were the two counter ends meet forming a cruel sharp point kissed my head causing the flesh to split open.  Kindergartners do not deal well with blood, and there was plenty of the bright red stuff all over.  The children erupted in more chaos, I was screaming and crying bloody murder, and poor Mrs. Lazane was left to clean up and calm a class of about 25 five year olds and take me to the school nurse.

I was so glad to see my mom. I cried and pleaded that I didn't want stitches.Please no stitches. But she said that I might need them, and that David has had them 2 times already, and he is just fine. The attemted reassurance did little to abate my profound fear.

 After his examination of me, the doctor said I may indeed need stitches. I protested, vehemently. Crying and wailing and behaving in the most absured mannor. (The kind of thing I hate for my young patients to do today) I ended up with several butterfly band-aids under a larger band-aid.  No stitches.  Just a scar that is still visible nearly 25 years after the incident occurred. And the most vivid memory I have of my time in kindergarten. Not the play-doh, not the milk and graham crackers for snack, not my first kiss with a boy named Justin. Just the ugly scar I still carry today. I guess some of the scars of our childhood are worn on the outside as well as the inside.

This was a post for the RemembeRED prompt: Remember kindergarten. If, after thinking about it for a while, you can't recall anything, move on to first grade. Mine your memories and write about the earliest grade you can recall. What was special? What was ordinary? What did you feel? Hear? See? Smell?

He's gonna kill me

The boy is at his first NASCAR race today. Grandma Jo took him for the weekend so the hub and I could have a little alone time. Which just ended up in us having a nice dinner for two, and that's about it. (We're such exciting people.)

I know the kid is going to love this NASCAR stuff, not because white trash is in his blood, because he loves this adventurous stuff.  And because anything dangerous scares the shit out of me.  The first thing he ever sat and paid attention to on the TV wasn't Elmo or Mickey Mouse, it was NASCAR.  He sat there, at about 6 months old, glued to the TV as if the races were the most fascinating thing he had ever seen in 6 short months of his life.  His favorite movie is Disney's Cars, his room, decked out in Cars stuff, he owns and plays with tons of cars. He still loves watching NASCAR on TV. He likes to get down to the core of things, to see how things work, take apart and fix things. He also likes to go fast, he likes to push it to the limits, he is fearless.  He is going to be a NASCAR driver. And I will probably die of a heart attack because I will be afraid for him. 

I try really hard not to be one of those mom's who never lets her kid do anything because she's afraid. I want my kid to have every experience he wants, to taste all of the sweet juices that life's cup offers him.  But it comes at a price to me. Every time he gets too close to the edge, every time I feel that their is the potential for danger, I'll want to jump in and protect him.  But he needs to learn, and fall, and get hurt in order to grow and learn.  So while he takes his lumps in life I'll sit back and hate every minuet of it.  I'll die a little inside when things don't go well for him, but he will jump up and brush himself off and keep going, just like he has done from the very beginning. And someday this boy's sense of adventure is going to kill his poor, frail, play-it-safe momma!

3

March 18th 2008. I never got to go into labor. You started to lose oxygen and had to be cut out of me. I didn't get to hold you right away. In fact it was a few hours later. But I already knew how much I loved you.

We had been through a lot in those 9 months.  Trip to the ER, a move, you wanting Mc Donalds sausage mcmuffins with egg all the time...(maybe that was me...) You kicked me constantly, got the most annoying hiccups sometimes as much as 7 times a day, and made my life miserable during your "incubation" phase.  But I still knew how much I loved you.

You changed my world for the better. Even though you are truly a little devil, you are also mommy's angel. My purpose in life had changed, it was no longer about me or about Daddy. Everything I've done, no matter how unpleasant, has been for your benefit. There were weeks when it was so rough dad and I were eating nothing but top ramen so you could eat the good stuff.  There will never be a day where you go hungry, where you ever feel or notice the struggle that Dad and I face sometimes.  I'll do everything I can to make sure you have everything you need. Always. I would walk through the fires of hell for you child. I hope you know that.

I was so happy on your 1st birthday. My baby growing up! I was so excited to see all the new things you'd be learning and exploring. All sorts of new possibilities opening up for you everyday. Then that year flew by and you turned 2.

Your little personality made a huge appearance and caused my world chaos.  I cried the day 2 rolled around, now it's going by too fast. I want time to slow down, to savor the sweetness of your last days in baby-hood. To hold you too tightly and not want to let go, but to also learn to let you grow up and let you learn on your own. You are so my child in looks as well as mannerisms. You can make my life so rough some days, but everyday you make my life worth living!

And now, 3. Ya, I'm still crying. The last traces of baby are gone. You are a little boy. A little boy who loves cars and trains and cuddles with mommy under the covers. Who giggles at farts, who loves ghost movies and shows, who only wants to eat junk food despite mom's best efforts, who also loves video games despite mom's best efforts.  A little boy with a sense of adventure, who isn't afraid of anything (mom has enough fear for two anyhow) who will try it all once, maybe even twice (unless it's vegetables!) You are all things wonderful and all things fiery, feisty and full of life. Hot tempered, a bit spoiled, and 100% lovable. I love you little man. And even though it's so hard to let go of my baby, I am looking forward to the time I have with this wonderful little boy. Je t'aime toujours mon petite. Tu est mon reason d'existance, variment. *

*hopefully the French is correct, I mean it's been years. I speak French way better than I spell French...

HCG diet week 2

Well, I survived week 1, barley....  7lbs down,  11 total, so 19 to get to my first goal of losing 30  by 30.  It was rough, with ups and downs, mostly downs. So far I consider this fat kid torture, but it has been very effective.

Day 8:  I was super bummed, almost depressed yesterday because I only lost a few ounces. When I stepped on the scale today I was expecting another low blow to find that I had lost another pound and a half! I kept telling myself if I was still stuck I was going to try the "cheat meal" method to get me unstuck. I still am considering cheating because I really want a fucking bowl of fruit loops man. Damn that tempting son of a bitch Tucan Sam! I still don't feel hungry per say, but craving everything like a mother trucker.  18 more days of detoxing :( Will I make it? Stay tuned!

Day 9: Gained a pound. W.T.F...How exactly does one gain a pound by eating 500 calories? Hmmm? So I had a "cheat meal" for breakfast.. A small bowl of fruit loops (oh it was soooo good!) and some coffee...with cream...dun dun dun...This freaking diet is working my patience.  And while I want to quit, I won't because it's been super effective thus far. I guess week 2 is just going to be riddled with ups and downs as I try to experiment and try different things.  I am going for a nice walk today to help burn off some extra calories (and steam) and the rest of my meals today will be back to normal.  I was so excited to see if I had broken through another milestone today, 2 more lbs (now 3 grrr) and I'll be out of the 210's.  Now I hate posting my actual weight on here, because, well, who would? But I am excited about the prospect of breaking through the 10's where I have been stuck for 3 years. Only to have it dangled in front of my nose like a cupcake on a string then snatched away from me because I'm trying to tweak this or that with my diet to satisfy both myself and the diet's requirements. Today, I hate this diet.  Tomorrow, we may be friends again...maybe...

Day10: I seriously picked the worst time to diet. We're in the middle of packing up and moving so the house is in complete disarray and my nerves are shot already. All I want is to eat but I'm stuck on the good ol diet....Good thing I lost that pound I gained or I'd have been pissed! Maybe walking can wait a bit, cuz honestly, I haven't been doing it...This shit is hard...seriously!

Day 11: Scale didn't budge....so that's how this week is going to be huh? You're a dirty, dirty whore HCG...Oh and since we're being honest here, lemme tell you about another unpleasant effect of this diet...Since you aren't eating as much crap, you don't crap. I've taken the suggested fiber and still, nothing, so guess what that means? Laxatives and enemas! Yea! You guys are all lining up to buy this stuff now right?
14 days to go...

Day 12: Yesterday, as suggested to break through a plateau, I ate apples. Yes, Just apples. I wasn't hungry so I didn't eat the recommended 6, just 2. I did not lose anything. Stuck, regardless of the fact that I had 2 apples to eat ALL DAY. If I don't move beyond this point I will be discontinuing this diet as of Tuesday. I can probably do better now with out these stupid drops. All it's doing is causing trouble. Sure it worked really well the first week, but this week has been literal torture. At this point I don't recommend this stuff to anyone. I hate this damned diet....

Day 13: So I super cheated yesterday...I ate fried chicken and mac salad for lunch, went to a chili and dessert cook off at my mom's church and sampled some of the fare, I bought my hubby a birthday cake and had a slice, and I bought a ton of girl scout cookies (for after the diet) and ate 3. But I needed it after this crappy diet week.  It was soooo good. And unless my sister's scale is broken, I didn't gain anything! So today I'm back on the diet, but feeling re-charged and ready for a new week, with a few revisions, and I WILL add walking and yoga! Getting on the treadmill now...

Day 14: I did get on the treadmill btw...But ate dinner at Red Robin since today was the hub's birthday, followed by cake, and ice cream....I was a bad girl, and I gained 2 pounds, but you know what? It was so worth it! I'm telling you, eating normal food has never tasted soooo good!

So my 2 pounds lost this week were re-gained, but it was bliss after the week of hell I've had with this diet. Weight loss total is the same as last week, but back on the diet with a few modifications (for future survival purposes....) next week!