This was not the post I had intended to write today. I was going to tell you my usual monthly update on the goings on of the diet ( or lack thereof this previous month...) but something else entirely is weighing heavily on my heart and mind as of late.
I was pretty foolish to think that our sense of "happiness" would last very long, it never does. There is always "something" on the horizon, that old "waiting for the hat, shoe or whatever to drop" feeling. I knew that transition was a huge factor in my son's Autism. I knew that being out of school was going to be difficult for him, and that moving was also going to be difficult for him. Now, stupid us, we moved the week that E's school got out. And he was fine for about three days. And today? It feels like all of the progress we have made is gone. There are daily temper-tantrums, accidents, increased "ticks", and a near drowning (don't even ask!) As a parent, as the only parent who is around this sweet boy all day, it is completely devastating.
I remember even before I was anywhere near being married, I would pray that I would never have a kid that had any disabilities. I knew that I would not be able to handle that. (This was in my late teens, early twenties probably.) I knew that my patience was pretty thin, I knew I wanted to be a mom, more than anything, but I also had no idea how hard it was going to be. I just knew that I had a certain image of what I wanted my perfect family to look like, and kids with disabilities were not in that picture. I always thought that God granted those sweet souls to people who were stronger than me, people who could love and handle them. God obviously thinks I am a badass.
We never thought that anything was really wrong with E in the beginning. Chris and I just wrote his little ticks off as him being a bit quirky. Then his 3rd birthday rolled around the behaviors started to get progressively worse, after we had moved actually (just realized that one actually.) Doing what most parents do in that situation, we tried to write it off, thinking that nothing is wrong with him, he just is the way he is. After all, he was our first child, and we didn't want to say we knew something was not right about him because we really had no clue if something was not right or not. Maybe this is normal? We had nothing to base our theories on, no experience with any children other than our seemingly normal developing nephews, both who are very different from each other. And that's all we thought, our son is just different from other kids, as all children develop differently, behave differently, speak differently. Then he went to preschool. And again, the behaviors worsened.
Lucky for us, as I have heard many a horror story about children being expelled from multiple preschools, we were blessed so very much with a teacher who was willing to see the potential in our child, to not cast him out, to not just wash her hands of a difficult child. She worked with us in getting Ethan in a program to help him develop, she worked with him, learned his quirks, learned his tells and was able to meet his needs in every way. She truly loved our child, and after having anxiety for weeks about whether or not I was going to get phone calls about his behavior, and an exit notice, I began to trust that he was going to be just fine there after I dropped him off. We still had some bad days peppered here and there, and there were days where he didn't make it to school to save that long trip to go get him early, but he thrived. And you better believe I bawled on the last day of school. I am sure the other parents thought I was nuts, but they had no idea the battle we faced that year, and the Alli and friend I found in a preschool teacher.
But that had to come to an end, he can't stay in preschool forever! And here is where our current battle lies. What does Eth's educational future hold? What about his home life? When and how will he adjust to all of these changes? I know there are hard days ahead, days of adjusting our lives to a new home and to a more lucrative schedule, figuring out where on the spectrum E falls (we find out tomorrow) and what will happen next school year. But for now, I have to remember that the world seems very different to my sweet boy, that the way we perceive things is vastly different to how he does, and I have to accept that he will never have a normal life. There will be periods of adjustment all the time, there will be things he will have to learn to cope with, things we take for granted all the time. And I have to remember that this is not my fault, there was nothing that I could do to prevent it or stop it from happening to him. I never, ever asked for this, but it was given to me anyhow, and we will get by, by the grace of God, we will!
Monday, June 10, 2013
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
When you fall off the horse, get your butt back on!
Injuries suck! This one has been the worst so far. Even the pulled hamstring that ended my dancing days didn't throw me off like this. I've been in a downward spiral for the last 4 weeks. Not working out, out of fear, eating a bunch of crap out of depression from being injured, yo-yo ing back and forth 4 lbs, feeling tired, lethargic and moody. None of it has been fun. My worst month ever in this whole process. I was trying really hard to hit the 40 lbs total lost mark this month. Can I lose 5 lbs in one week? Maybe. Am I going to push myself that hard? No.
But when the horse bucks you off you have two choices, you can be done with riding altogether, or you can get back on the horse. Today I got back on the horse. I was still afraid. I played it safe, very safe. Even before I started this process I was able to run at least a 16 min per mile pace. This run was at 17 mins per mile. I lost 6 mins of time in just 4 weeks. And that is fine, I'll get it back. I also chose to run only 2 miles, playing it safe, making sure my leg could handle at the very least that much. It held up, it was sore and each step was a painful reminder that I need to pace myself. This 2 miles were pretty difficult, and I am probably going to have to keep doing 2 miles the rest of this week and gradually work my way back up. But I refuse to let this injury stop me. My progress this month may not be so great but I am right where I need to be. Back in the saddle. Yee haw!
But when the horse bucks you off you have two choices, you can be done with riding altogether, or you can get back on the horse. Today I got back on the horse. I was still afraid. I played it safe, very safe. Even before I started this process I was able to run at least a 16 min per mile pace. This run was at 17 mins per mile. I lost 6 mins of time in just 4 weeks. And that is fine, I'll get it back. I also chose to run only 2 miles, playing it safe, making sure my leg could handle at the very least that much. It held up, it was sore and each step was a painful reminder that I need to pace myself. This 2 miles were pretty difficult, and I am probably going to have to keep doing 2 miles the rest of this week and gradually work my way back up. But I refuse to let this injury stop me. My progress this month may not be so great but I am right where I need to be. Back in the saddle. Yee haw!
Monday, May 6, 2013
April progress report
I know, I am late and I 've been largely "quiet" over here at DOAFC! I've been busy! April was a crazy month for team West! I seriously have no idea how these other stay at home mom's find the dang time to blog almost daily! I can hardly find the time to do it monthly! Priorities I guess? I'd much rather spend time with my boys! But I digress...
So the month of April was pretty challenging and I have some work to do to make up for it this month! We had several birthdays, Lu turned the big 1, and I had mine a few days later, which lead to an entire month of debaucherous eating! Yikes, I was so bad this month y'all! But I worked out like a mad man and lost 2 lbs and 5" all over, so luckily, I didn't gain! But I really wanted to hit the 40lbs lost mark this month and I only have 4 lbs to go to hit it, so here's to hoping we get there in May!!!
My workout schedule has changed again, I added another mile to my runs, making it 4 and on my first run I kept up with my 11 min per mile pace, and then I injured myself and have been sitting on the sidelines since then! And nothing sucks more than wanting to work out and not being able to! I have gone through injuries in the past and have come out better for it so I know that this too shall pass! But I've been running the entire time (with the exception of my 4 mile injured run) which was why I knew it was the right time to increase my distance. I am also cross training on alternating days which has helped me improve on my time and endurance. I do 40 mins of cardio, zumba or turbo jam, on those days. I have also added strength training and have been focusing on my arms. I have been doing this work out from Tracy Anderson:
Ya, I know, it doesn't look very effective right? Well, the full inch I lost off my arms begs to differ! This is a quick and (not so) easy way to fit in an arm workout that will give you results. Did I mention that I only started it 3 weeks ago? By min 3, you'll be begging to put your arms down! Try not to! It took me 2 weeks to get to the point where I wouldn't put them down! By min 6 she gives you a sort of break....Try it! I challenge you!
I also started a plank challenge for the month of May. Each day you hold plank pose for a specific amount of time, starting at 10 and ending this month at 85! Yikes! But I can't wait to see what the results of that will bring! I will also start doing different leg exercises that I will post here as I try them out. But I do recommend the arm one! And who doesn't have 8 mins to give?
So, good luck this month! I'm giving a special DOAFC cheer to my mom-in-law who has recently gotten on the diet and exercise wagon! I am very proud of her for taking the steps she needs in order to get healthy and I look forward to seeing her progress and motivating her and you as well! Go get 'em tigers!!!
So the month of April was pretty challenging and I have some work to do to make up for it this month! We had several birthdays, Lu turned the big 1, and I had mine a few days later, which lead to an entire month of debaucherous eating! Yikes, I was so bad this month y'all! But I worked out like a mad man and lost 2 lbs and 5" all over, so luckily, I didn't gain! But I really wanted to hit the 40lbs lost mark this month and I only have 4 lbs to go to hit it, so here's to hoping we get there in May!!!
My workout schedule has changed again, I added another mile to my runs, making it 4 and on my first run I kept up with my 11 min per mile pace, and then I injured myself and have been sitting on the sidelines since then! And nothing sucks more than wanting to work out and not being able to! I have gone through injuries in the past and have come out better for it so I know that this too shall pass! But I've been running the entire time (with the exception of my 4 mile injured run) which was why I knew it was the right time to increase my distance. I am also cross training on alternating days which has helped me improve on my time and endurance. I do 40 mins of cardio, zumba or turbo jam, on those days. I have also added strength training and have been focusing on my arms. I have been doing this work out from Tracy Anderson:
I also started a plank challenge for the month of May. Each day you hold plank pose for a specific amount of time, starting at 10 and ending this month at 85! Yikes! But I can't wait to see what the results of that will bring! I will also start doing different leg exercises that I will post here as I try them out. But I do recommend the arm one! And who doesn't have 8 mins to give?
So, good luck this month! I'm giving a special DOAFC cheer to my mom-in-law who has recently gotten on the diet and exercise wagon! I am very proud of her for taking the steps she needs in order to get healthy and I look forward to seeing her progress and motivating her and you as well! Go get 'em tigers!!!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Wonderful "One"derland
I still have a long way to go, but I feel so much better about how I look now, at 198, I am closer to my goal that I have ever been in my life. I feel prettier, have more confidence, I rarely go out looking like frumpy 200lbs me, I take care of myself more. My sex life is WAY better, I am wearing high heels again! I feel like crap when I eat like crap and also when I don't work out. So I don't eat like crap (very seldom) and I try to squeeze in at least 20 mins of some kind of work out as often as life allows it. I still have a pretty steep hill to climb to reach 160, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am doing this. AND, if I can do this, so can you! I am telling you right now, I am not perfect, I ate like crap all week this week between Easter and birthdays and candy and cake everywhere, and I also ended up with a shin injury that rendered me pretty useless. I am the most lazy person out there when it comes to working out. I have a huge love/hate relationship with it, I love the way I feel and look, but I hate working out. I also love sugar, can't go a single day with out something sweet, BUT I AM STILL DOING THIS! And so can you!
I know 34 lbs is not some crazy number, I know people have done more in much less time, but I am doing it the right way, no crazy diets, just eating less. And no extreme work outs, mostly just 40 mins of cardio, 3-4 days a week. But the slower the better, because you will keep it off if you do it the right way! If you learn how to eat better, how to gradually find exercise that you enjoy, you will start seeing results too. It does take an iron will some days! And some days you are going to fail in the most epic way possible, but the good news about that is that tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start. Don't be so hard on yourself, it is a learning process, most things in life take time, you don't learn to read overnight, you can't learn to speak French in one class! These things are worth waiting for, and so worth working for! Start small, set small goals, reward yourself with something awesome like new work out gear or one special meal or treat, a book, a massage anything to keep you motivated. Look in the mirror and love who you are now, but let her (or him) go. Say goodbye and work your butt off to get to meet that new you! And I am here for you! Please, use my successes and failures. Ask me anything!!! I am here for you!
Good luck, go get started!!
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Five
You are sitting next to me noisily munching away on some apples, and I should be using this "quiet" time to hunt for a job, but you! So darling, sweet, funny. And smart, too smart. I can't help it, I'm so very much in love right now!
In just a few short days you will hit the big 5. I can't believe as I sit here and look at your handsome little, chocolate peanut buttered face that the time has flown by so quickly. The tiny strings that tie you to me are starting to unravel as you grow. You need me less and less for some things and more and more for others.
It's been a rough year for us. A year with lots of changes, you now have a sibling who occupies lots of my time, we are trying to navigate this "issue" with you and your behavior, and we are not where we need to be as a family, both physically and spiritually. But you keep smiling, and laughing, and learning despite it all. Your tenacity is so admirable! Its one of the things I love most about you.
Often I feel like you got a bum deal. You were the first born to a certifiably crazy mother who struggled with a broken brain while trying to raise a "normal" kid. I will be forever haunted with the fact that your shortcomings in life are my failures as a parent. Please know that everything I do , little man, is for you! All of the good, the bad, and the ugly. The day you came into my life, you saved my life.
You are my most special gift from God; my little angel if you will! I love you from the top of your fuzzy blond head to the tips of your long, gangly toes! You will be someone great someday. You'll be a success at anything you do, I know it. But today, you are someone great to me and you can rest in the fact that I will always be your biggest fan, your loudest cheerleader, your toughest critic, and your biggest support.
Enjoy five big guy!
Love, mom
In just a few short days you will hit the big 5. I can't believe as I sit here and look at your handsome little, chocolate peanut buttered face that the time has flown by so quickly. The tiny strings that tie you to me are starting to unravel as you grow. You need me less and less for some things and more and more for others.
It's been a rough year for us. A year with lots of changes, you now have a sibling who occupies lots of my time, we are trying to navigate this "issue" with you and your behavior, and we are not where we need to be as a family, both physically and spiritually. But you keep smiling, and laughing, and learning despite it all. Your tenacity is so admirable! Its one of the things I love most about you.
Often I feel like you got a bum deal. You were the first born to a certifiably crazy mother who struggled with a broken brain while trying to raise a "normal" kid. I will be forever haunted with the fact that your shortcomings in life are my failures as a parent. Please know that everything I do , little man, is for you! All of the good, the bad, and the ugly. The day you came into my life, you saved my life.
You are my most special gift from God; my little angel if you will! I love you from the top of your fuzzy blond head to the tips of your long, gangly toes! You will be someone great someday. You'll be a success at anything you do, I know it. But today, you are someone great to me and you can rest in the fact that I will always be your biggest fan, your loudest cheerleader, your toughest critic, and your biggest support.
Enjoy five big guy!
Love, mom
Monday, March 4, 2013
a not so healthy reality check
It's no surprise to me that at this month's weigh in that I had gained 2.2 lbs this month. I knew it. I didn't do the work, didn't eat right. I feel crappy and tired because I've been on a bit of a bender these last few days. And the scale showed it. And in addition to the 2.2 lbs gained this month, my lack of activity caused a whopping 7.25" (all over total) to show back up. That was my reality check this morning. You see, I usually fluctuate a couple pounds here and there, 2 lbs is no big deal to me, I can take that off in 1 day. The 7.25" however....that is completely from my lack of dedication.
It is very sobering to see these numbers, as this is the first month in over 6 months that I have not seen any progress. Usually I will see either the scale or the total inches lost go down each month regardless of effort. Both went up and it is time to get off of this shitty plateau I've been on. Too many months I have seen a gradual decrease in my monthly activity and a blatant disregard for what I am putting into my body and that stops today.
I am a big fan of the biggest loser, as a family we watch each week and I always try to keep track of the contestants, keep "pace" with them if you will.
"So and so lost x amount of pounds this week so she is now lighter than I am so I have to work to keep up with her." Which never happens, but I identify with one contestant and they are my "inspiration," if you will, during the season. So in honor of the biggest loser, and my favorite trainer of all time (Jillian) I am doing my own personal biggest loser month. I have a lot of catching up to do as I am supposed to be about 25lbs lighter already.
My goals this month are:
* lose 5lbs each week (a tall order for me!) for a grand total of 20 lbs this month
*run 3 miles, 3x's a week
*put in 2 hours of work outs 3x's a week
*stay fiercely within the 1200-1550 calories a day range
With this plan, 5 lbs a week should be an easily obtainable goal. It is time for me to get really serious about this, yet again, and finish what I started. Wish me luck because I know I'm going to need it! And I will be posting my successes and or failures each week this month as well, as nothing is more motivating then having folks keep you accountable!
**I promised pictures of the color run from this month too, I know, I will dedicate a post specifically to that soon, once I am done being pissed off!!**
It is very sobering to see these numbers, as this is the first month in over 6 months that I have not seen any progress. Usually I will see either the scale or the total inches lost go down each month regardless of effort. Both went up and it is time to get off of this shitty plateau I've been on. Too many months I have seen a gradual decrease in my monthly activity and a blatant disregard for what I am putting into my body and that stops today.
I am a big fan of the biggest loser, as a family we watch each week and I always try to keep track of the contestants, keep "pace" with them if you will.
"So and so lost x amount of pounds this week so she is now lighter than I am so I have to work to keep up with her." Which never happens, but I identify with one contestant and they are my "inspiration," if you will, during the season. So in honor of the biggest loser, and my favorite trainer of all time (Jillian) I am doing my own personal biggest loser month. I have a lot of catching up to do as I am supposed to be about 25lbs lighter already.
My goals this month are:
* lose 5lbs each week (a tall order for me!) for a grand total of 20 lbs this month
*run 3 miles, 3x's a week
*put in 2 hours of work outs 3x's a week
*stay fiercely within the 1200-1550 calories a day range
With this plan, 5 lbs a week should be an easily obtainable goal. It is time for me to get really serious about this, yet again, and finish what I started. Wish me luck because I know I'm going to need it! And I will be posting my successes and or failures each week this month as well, as nothing is more motivating then having folks keep you accountable!
**I promised pictures of the color run from this month too, I know, I will dedicate a post specifically to that soon, once I am done being pissed off!!**
Monday, February 4, 2013
January progress report
So this month wasn't a total loss. Well, it was a loss because I did lose weight, but I wasn't very dedicated to hitting my goal. I'll take the lazy 4lbs weight loss! My progress in the last six months includes a grand total of 23 lbs lost (30 all together, or 54 if you count baby weight, which I really haven't been. Until right now...) and 17.25 inches lost all over this hot (almost) bod. I have a number in mind for where I'd like to be at the end of this month but due to my current superstitions about posting a goal out loud and not hitting it (see previous months!) I'll just let you know if I make it or not!
Also looking forward to my Valentine's gift:
My man knows what I like! So he is taking me on a very special date in Las Vegas. We are doing a 5k color run Valentine's weekend! Some girls like to get flowers, some, chocolate, others like getting jewelry. Not this girl! I want someone throwing color in my face as I huff and puff my way through the streets of downtown Vegas! There's truly nothing on the planet I wanted more and I was so bummed because I thought we weren't going to be able to do it! I love that man! He gets me!
There will be a post following the happiest 5k on the planet. Speaking of happy 5k's, the first one we ran was the Disneyland 5k back in 2009 and every year since then we have planned on running it again, it was so much fun. BUT...This damn race has gained so much popularity that it has been sold out each year since the year we ran. This year the race entry opened on January 22nd and was sold out in under ten days. Boo!!!! Disneyland obviously needs to start adding a few more races to its annual agenda!
Until next time, stay healthy, friends!
PS; I implore you to check out the random comment on this blog! I count this as success! I am a big shot blogger when cookie monster comments on my page!
PPS: Speaking of cookie monster, every time I try cutting out sugar, this is exactly how I feel:
Also looking forward to my Valentine's gift:
 |
| hoping we end up looking like this happy couple! |
Until next time, stay healthy, friends!
PS; I implore you to check out the random comment on this blog! I count this as success! I am a big shot blogger when cookie monster comments on my page!
PPS: Speaking of cookie monster, every time I try cutting out sugar, this is exactly how I feel:
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