Wonderful "One"derland

This was me in July of 2012.  Right before I started all of this process.  I topped off at 232 lbs.  I have always been heavy-ish, but having children gave me and extra 57 lbs to carry around.  I felt gross, I hated the way I looked in anything that wasn't a freaking tent, I never wanted to do my hair or make-up.  I pretty much let myself fall into that "Well, I'm a mom" slump that we sometimes get caught up in.  I was deeply unhappy about my appearance, and despite my husband's constant reassurance that he thought I was beautiful, I didn't see how he could stand to look at me, or even want to sleep with me.  This right here? It was killing our sex life (that and having a newborn around.) Sure my baby was only 3-4 months old around this time, but I was this heavy before he was born.  I had actually easily lost all the weight I had gained with Lu's pregnancy.  Magical breastfeeding!! But I was still carrying around all the weight from E's pregnancy, where I had gained a total of 75 lbs. On a body that was already overweight, that was just not good, not good at all! I struggled for the years after E was born trying new things, trying to exercise, getting into a good start and then, falling completely off the wagon.  The closest I had ever gotten was 214.

I still have a long way to go, but I feel so much better about how I look now, at 198, I am closer to my goal that I have ever been in my life.  I feel prettier, have more confidence, I rarely go out looking like frumpy 200lbs me, I take care of myself more.  My sex life is WAY better, I am wearing high heels again! I feel like crap when I eat like crap and also when I don't work out.  So I don't eat like crap (very seldom) and I try to squeeze in at least 20 mins of some kind of work out as often as life allows it.  I still have a pretty steep hill to climb to reach 160, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am doing this.  AND, if I can do this, so can you! I am telling you right now, I am not perfect, I ate like crap all week this week between Easter and birthdays and candy and cake everywhere, and I also ended up with a shin injury that rendered me pretty useless.  I am the most lazy person out there when it comes to working out.  I have a huge love/hate relationship with it,  I love the way I feel and look, but I hate working out.  I also love sugar, can't go a single day with out something sweet, BUT I AM STILL DOING THIS! And so can you!

 

 

 

I know 34 lbs is not some crazy number, I know people have done more in much less time, but I am doing it the right way, no crazy diets, just eating less.  And no extreme work outs, mostly just 40 mins of cardio, 3-4 days a week.  But the slower the better, because you will keep it off if you do it the right way! If you learn how to eat better, how to gradually find exercise that you enjoy, you will start seeing results too.  It does take an iron will some days! And some days you are going to fail in the most epic way possible, but the good news about that is that tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start.  Don't be so hard on yourself, it is a learning process, most things in life take time, you don't learn to read overnight, you can't learn to speak French in one class! These things are worth waiting for, and so worth working for! Start small, set small goals, reward yourself with something awesome like new work out gear or one special meal or treat, a book, a massage anything to keep you motivated.  Look in the mirror and love who you are now, but let her (or him) go.  Say goodbye and work your butt off to get to meet that new you! And I am here for you! Please, use my successes and failures.  Ask me anything!!! I am here for you!

 

Good luck, go get started!!

Five

You are sitting next to me noisily munching away on some apples, and I should be using this "quiet" time to hunt for a job, but you! So darling, sweet, funny.  And smart, too smart. I can't help it, I'm so very much in love right now!

In just a few short days you will hit the big 5.  I can't believe as I sit here and look at your handsome little, chocolate peanut buttered face that the time has flown by so quickly.  The tiny strings that tie you to me are starting to unravel as you grow.  You need me less and less for some things and more and more for others.

It's been a rough year for us. A year with lots of changes, you now have a sibling who occupies lots of my time, we are trying to navigate this "issue" with you and your behavior, and we are not where we need to be as a family, both physically and spiritually.  But you keep smiling, and laughing, and learning despite it all.  Your tenacity is so admirable! Its one of the things I love most about you.

Often I feel like you got a bum deal.  You were the first born to a certifiably crazy mother who struggled with a broken brain while trying to raise a "normal" kid.  I will be forever haunted with the fact that your shortcomings in life are my failures as a parent. Please know that everything I do , little man, is for you!  All of the good, the bad, and the ugly.  The day you came into my life, you saved my life.

You are my most special gift from God; my little angel if you will! I love you from the top of your fuzzy blond head to the tips of your long, gangly toes! You will be someone great someday.  You'll be a success at anything you do, I know it. But today, you are someone great to me and you can rest in the fact that I will always be your biggest fan, your loudest cheerleader, your toughest critic, and your biggest support.

Enjoy five big guy!

Love, mom

a not so healthy reality check

It's no surprise to me that at this month's weigh in that I had gained 2.2 lbs this month.  I knew it.  I didn't do the work, didn't eat right.  I feel crappy and tired because I've been on a bit of a bender these last few days.  And the scale showed it.  And in addition to the 2.2 lbs gained this month, my lack of activity caused a whopping 7.25" (all over total) to show back up.  That was my reality check this morning.  You see, I usually fluctuate a couple pounds here and there, 2 lbs is no big deal to me, I can take that off in 1 day.  The 7.25" however....that is completely from my lack of dedication.

It is very sobering to see these numbers, as this is the first month in over 6 months that I have not seen any progress.  Usually I will see either the scale or the total inches lost go down each month regardless of effort.  Both went up and it is time to get off of this shitty plateau I've been on. Too many months I have seen a gradual decrease in my monthly activity and a blatant disregard for what I am putting into my body and that stops today.

I am a big fan of the biggest loser, as a family we watch each week and I always try to keep track of the contestants, keep "pace" with them if you will. 
"So and so lost x amount of pounds this week so she is now lighter than I am so I have to work to keep up with her." Which never happens, but I identify with one contestant and they are my "inspiration," if you will, during the season.  So in honor of the biggest loser, and my favorite trainer of all time (Jillian) I am doing my own personal biggest loser month.  I have a lot of catching up to do as I am supposed to be  about 25lbs lighter already.

My goals this month are:
* lose 5lbs each week (a tall order for me!) for a grand total of 20 lbs this month
*run 3 miles, 3x's a week
*put in 2 hours of work outs 3x's a week
*stay fiercely within the 1200-1550 calories a day range
With this plan, 5 lbs a week should be an easily obtainable goal.  It is time for me to get really serious about this, yet again, and finish what I started.  Wish me luck because I know I'm going to need it! And I will be posting my successes and or failures each week this month as well, as nothing is more motivating then having folks keep you accountable!

**I promised pictures of the color run from this month too, I know, I will dedicate a post specifically to that soon, once I am done being pissed off!!**

January progress report

So this month wasn't a total loss.  Well, it was a loss because I did lose weight, but I wasn't very dedicated to hitting my goal.  I'll take the lazy 4lbs weight loss! My progress in the last six months includes a grand total of 23 lbs lost (30 all together, or 54 if you count baby weight, which I really haven't been. Until right now...) and 17.25 inches lost all over this hot (almost) bod.  I have a number in mind for where I'd like to be at the end of this month but due to my current superstitions about posting a goal out loud and not hitting it (see previous months!) I'll just let you know if I make it or not!

Also looking forward to my Valentine's gift:

My man knows what I like! So he is taking me on a very special date in Las Vegas. We are doing a 5k color run Valentine's weekend! Some girls like to get flowers, some, chocolate, others like getting jewelry.  Not this girl! I want someone throwing color in my face as I huff and puff my way through the streets of downtown Vegas! There's truly nothing on the planet I wanted more and I was so bummed because I thought we weren't going to be able to do it! I love that man! He gets me!

hoping we end up looking like this happy couple!

There will be a post following the happiest 5k on the planet.  Speaking of happy 5k's, the first one we ran was the Disneyland 5k back in 2009 and every year since then we have planned on running it again, it was so much fun.  BUT...This damn race has gained so much popularity that it has been sold out each year since the year we ran.  This year the race entry opened on January 22nd and was sold out in under ten days.  Boo!!!! Disneyland obviously needs to start adding a few more races to its annual agenda!

Until next time, stay healthy, friends!

PS; I implore you to check out the random comment on this blog! I count this as success! I am a big shot blogger when cookie monster comments on my page!

PPS:  Speaking of cookie monster, every time I try cutting out sugar, this is exactly how I feel:




Motiv----ah, whatever!

Last time I checked in I was struggling all through December, not working out, plagued by illness, and eating like crap pretty much all month, and I didn't manage to hit my goal of below 200 lbs. I did lose some weight, but not at all what I needed to lose and most of it sickness induced, so I entered the new year determined to hit my goal and be done with the terrible 2's for good. 


...Unfortunately, I missed the mark again.  My motivation left the building almost ALL month long,  leaving me close, but no cigar.  I have worked out a grand total of 10 days this month. Ten!! Most of them in the last two weeks as I struggle to get myself back on track. 

And I'm close, really dang close, so it pisses me off a bit.  I should be telling you all that I'm close to the 180's by now! But this struggle is my life.  And sometimes we get sidetracked by life.  Some days I'm feeling good, working out, eating great and feeling like this:


Only in a perfect world...

Aaaaaand then there are days when I'm shoveling fistfuls of cookies into my pie hole, while sitting on the couch watching "Glee", feeling a little bit more like this:


Yes, I did go there.

I'll keep on mentioning that this whole process is a journey.  It doesn't start one weekend and finish the next.  This is me changing my life. And life change doesn't happen overnight.  What I need is to stop telling all my lovely (two) readers out there about how I sometimes fail and that it's ok, and start looking into the mirror when saying that.  I need to hear it the most.  I'm not a contestant on the biggest loser, I don't have anyone telling what, when and how much to eat or what, when, and how hard to work out.  I have myself. I don't have a fancy gym membership.  I have some dvd's and my own two feet.  I'm doing this 100% solo, no buddy to cheer me on (sometimes my husband does) no one telling me that the days I don't want to work out are the days I need it the most.  No one telling me that cookies are bad (without moderation) and to stop eating like crap.  It is all on my own shoulders, so my progress and my failures are solely my responsibilities.  And that makes my victories SOOOOO much sweeter.  So maybe I'm not quite where I wanted to be at this point.  But I am on my way, and now I'm not stopping!

This is a marathon, not a sprint!

So long 2012!

Well, the month of December has been a total diet flop.  I believe I worked out a grand total of three days this month (yikes!) and lost 3 lbs solely due to anxiety (which I gained back thanks to this freaking cold). It ended up being a heck of a month over here! Mom had knee replacement surgery and on that same day my husband started at his new job so there were a few adjustments that needed to take place! And once I got into a comfy groove Christmas and all its madness was upon us! Now sick with the mother of all sinus infections/colds I am out for the count.  Screw this month and all its difficulties! But I am still just fine with where I am as far as my weight loss.  I've not gone so far backwards that I can't fix it!

At the beginning of 2012, I made a set of resolutions, nothing super crazy as I have done in years past, but just some pretty general goals for this year that I am proud to say were for the large part all accomplished! And it feels good to say that I can check those things off my list! This new year will be no different, and one of my big goals for the year is to lose a grand total of 47 (it was supposed to be 40!) pounds this year, putting no specific amount on any month as in the past, because somehow setting an amount to lose each month hasn't worked for me. Maybe I'll decide to lose more once that 40 is gone but I feel for my body that I'd be comfy at 160, and that I'd probably look pretty good and not too skinny per husband's request! Also on the table is to run my first half marathon, either the Disney half in Sept or the Las Vegas rock n roll in Dec.  With a few 5k's peppered in here and there.

In high school I was a mediocre student, just skating by with minimal effort and getting mostly B's and the occasional A or C and I always wondered what my life would have been like had I put forth the effort in school and worked hard.  I could have gone to a really good college (and would have been stuck in some crazy job that would pay well but make me crazy I'm sure) but the mediocrity is carried over to my dieting life as well.  As an "average" dieter I have managed to lose 25 lbs this year with a pretty moderate effort and I can imagine what I would have lost giving 110% all the time.  So one of my soft goals this year is to try a little bit harder each month, and to not dwell on my failures but thrive on the small successes.

And so, with that,  I wish you and yours a blessed new year! May you set some goals and go out and achieve them! Now get out there and get moving!

Progress Report

Try this on for size, watching the Victoria's Secret fashion show, having taco bell for lunch and writing about my weight loss for the month. Things that just don't sound like they fit together! But this is my life! I say, forget the idea of "normalcy" when it comes to dieting and getting healthy! I will probably never look like a VS model and I'm ok with that.  And I'm going to eat what I want (within limits) and not tell myself I can never eat something again.  I am getting healthy my way, and it's working!

Did I meet my goal of 10 lbs this month? No, just half. Did I lose tons of inches? No, just one. And I am proud of what I've done this far.  Here are some accomplishments that I did make this month:

I stopped nursing Lucas the beginning of the month and had a ton of trouble losing anything for the first two weeks, even with Jillian four days a week! So I quit Jill for a minuet and spent the next 2.5 weeks running. Ah! My old fling running, we quickly became reacquainted and the pounds started to come off. And I hit some major milestones with my running, my fastest mile time, 13:13!! The last time I saw a mile like this was my freshman year...of high school! I cried, I felt like a million bucks the whole rest of the day.  A couple of days later I ran the entire two miles with out walking, and I cried that day too! I squeezed my butt into a pair of jeans two sizes smaller than I have been wearing for years and I have to wear all my bras on the last hook (that's probably mostly due to nursing!  Good thing the hubby is working now so I can buy some smaller bras!) and I have hit my lowest weight since before I had kids! This was a monumental month for me! It may have not been my biggest loss, but it was by far my most rewarding!

This coming month I am changing my routine a bit.  I can't expect to lose more than 5 lbs a month by only working out for 20-30 minuets 5 times a day! So 3 days a week I'll be doing 45-50 mins of cardio and strength training and the other 2-3 days just 20-30 of cardio.  I will also be adding a mile to my run on Saturdays until it gets comfy, then I'll be running 3 miles 3-4 days a week.  If you want big results, you need to go big! I am also sticking really close to my calorie intake of 1200-1550 per day, as I am not nursing anymore it's very important to stay within those limits so that I will be able to hit my goal for this month.  I originally wanted to set a small goal of only 5 lbs for this month as it has been difficult to hit my goals the last 2 months, but I am a mere 8 lbs form being 199.  I haven't been out of my 200's since before E was born! And now I am only 8 lbs away!!!  You have no idea how thrilled I am, and I am sure that this will be enough to motivate me to bust my butt this month and meet that goal!

I wanted to ask you a question though...what do you think about starting a group of us that are trying to get healthy to chat, give advice, maybe meet up and work out once a week?? Anyone interested?

Ugh! Now that this baby is mobile I have to chase him around the un-baby proofed house! I'd better get running!

I'll have some posts about how to keep the holidays from ruining your diet and next month, before during and after pictures as I hopefully hit my first goal!!